Huh?

2009 really will bring some surprises and it started this past week:

- Bears miss playoffs - I saw this one coming, but c'mon guys! Losing to the Texans? You jump out to a 10-0 lead and the Bucs and Cowboys lose which would have given you a rematch against the Vikings. Instead you let the Eagles into the playoffs and now you're off to the club to make sure more pictures of you end up on drunkathlete.com (I'm looking at you Kyle Orton!)

It's probably a good thing. I don't want a sorry team that has holes on defense and an inconsistent offense thinking they are good enough. Get to work and enjoy watching all the beatable teams in the playoffs (gotta love parity.)

- Cubs trade Mark DeRosa - OK, so my fiance's favorite player is traded and I was never even able to get her a "I'd go to Second Base with Mark DeRosa" T-shirt. Oh well. But hear me now Cubs- YOU MUST GET JAKE PEAVY NOW. There was fan backlash when the initial report came out that the Cubs were thinking of trading DeRosa to complete a deal for Peavy. Think about trading DeRosa and NOT getting Peavy. Don't do it.

As a side note - the Cubs should no longer give interviews to people major sports magazines that want to do mid-season stories on "Breaking the Curse." Sports Illustrated did not one, but TWO stories on the Cubs' Curse last year. Just play the game and stop worrying about mumbo-jumbo. Hire Serrano to pray to Jobu before the first game and never speak of it again.

PPS - Bye Jason Marquis. Hope your ERA doesn't suffer too much at Coors Field.

- Speaking of Colorado- Mike Shannahan fired? As Eddie Murphy would say, "What have you done for me lately?" Who the hell are you going to hire that's better? Can't wait to see it.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2009 is great year. On my agenda, I have a record release, find a legitamite band to play shows with, and a wedding. Sounds like a lot, but I think it will get done.

The Yankees Cash In

In a move that was not totally expected, the Yankees signed Mark Teixeira for 8 years- $180 million. Their line up and pitching staff is now unbelievable and barring any injuries, they will be making a return trip to the post season. Instead of breaking it down, I'm going to write what fans of particular teams should be thinking:

YANKEES - "Oh my Lord in Heaven- in return for one year out of the playoffs, you have give us an unbelievable bounty of excellent players. For this we give thanks." (note: It is unclear if the Steinbrenners pray to regular God, the Baby Jesus, Allah, Tom Cruise or the Devil but somebody somewhere is getting it done.)

RED SOX - "The stupid Yankees are at it again. Don't they realize that signing players like this is ridiculous. You guys can have Johnny Damon and Jason Giambi. Old overpaid players aren't worth it. We'll keep scrawny guys from Woodland, CA who win MVP Awards."

NATIONALS - "Phew, that was close. Despite Tex being a great player, he wouldn't help us win, so there is no point in signing him. We remember what happened to the Orioles and Miguel Tejada and it didn't get them into the playoffs. Let's keep building like the Rays."

ORIOLES - SEE NATIONALS & "Great. Now we have to play 15 games a year against hometown heroes AJ Burnett and Mark Teixeira. Awesome."

ANGELS - "Seriously? We're going to get beat this year by the real-life version of Major League's Cleveland Indians (AKA the Oakland Athletics)? We were the best team in the Major Leagues last year and we have done NOTHING this off-season. I'm angier than Lou Ferrigno's Hulk. Oh well, at least I'm not a Dodger fan."

CUBS - "Who cares? We didn't get Jake Peavy and I'm bummed. Anybody have an Old Style?"

Ironic statement of the day was a Red Sox fan on the mlbtraderumors board- "I had hoped the Sox would sign Teixeira, but oh well. This sport really needs a salary cap!" Aren't they typically over the luxury tax amount every year also? I get a smaller market team fan complaining about the Yankees, but a Sox fan? Give me a break!

PS: Did you see that Bears game last night? They're not good, but it would be awesome for the Bears to knock the Vikings out of the playoff eligibility. Go Giants this week!

G Street Pub January 9th

The guys from Automatic Rival just sent me the poster for our show and I thought I'd put it up here- check it out!

Come out and check out the show!

In Living Color

One of my favorite shows when I was younger, In Living Color was a great sketch comedy show that is truly underrated. Here are a few sketches to show you what I mean:

Jim Carey's Grim Reaper:



Carl "The Tooth" Williams:



The Monument to Wilt Chamberlain:



Homey D. Clown battles Chuckles:



And for the Holidays... Fire Marshall Santa:



On a side note, these all came from hulu.com which is a great site to find old SNL videos as well as full episodes of other shows.

Monday Morning Back Up Quarterback

The NFL playoff picture becomes a bit more clear after this week of games:

Exciting Finishes: Bears over Saints in OT, Chargers beat Chiefs with an on-side kick and a Rivers' TD drive, Jets win on a fumble returned for a TD versus the Bills, Atlanta triumphant in overtime at home against the Bucs, and the Steelers win their division on a reviewed TD pass from Big Ben.

Awful Games: Bay Area football is put in check by the AFC East, Carolina rolls a terrible Denver team (that will win the AFC West), Bengals/Redskins is unwatchable, The Cowboys dominate a team that once was thought to be the best in the league but no looks awful (NY Giants), and the Vikings put one nail in the coffin of the Bears by beating the Cards.

That's about all for the NFL. I'm less and less interested as I realize the Bears won't be going to the post-season.

The Yankees Have Cash to Burn-ett: Don't you hate lame sports story titles that think they are clever? Me too- I apologize for just typing one moments ago. The Yanks have now spent $243 million on CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett. That's $60.75 million per initial. If I was a Yankees fan, I'd be half pumped, and half worried that the Brewers wrecked CC's arm and that AJ's was never fixed to begin with. We'll see how it goes...

BREAKING NEWS: Reggie Theus is out as Sacramento Kings coach. I didn't think he was doing a bad job with what he had to work with, but I've also heard the team was very disorganized and management did not like that. I imagine a coach should be pretty hands-on with a young team, so maybe it's a good move. You know what's not a great move? Firing Rick Adelman. Oops!

The Cupboard is Bear

I watched the Bears' game yesterday during my show at Pyramid in Sacramento (1029 K St) and I have to say- they are not good. They won in exciting fashion with a field goal to tie the game at the end of regulation and two field goals win the game in Overtime (I HATE it when coaches call time out and make the kicker kick twice.)

But during their win, I had to resign myself to the fact that they are not good. Even if they squeak into the playoffs, they are not a contender. Here are some reasons that I believe prove that the Bears have some serious improving to do:

- Their pass defense is atrocious. The Bears are known for being the "Monsters of the Midway." However, they have been carved up by the likes of Brian "I'm not good enough to be on the Bears" Griese, Kerry "I'm the luckiest man in the NFL to be in my situation" Collins, Matt "Inexperienced stud" Ryan, and Aaron "My team is good, why are we 5-8?" Rodgers. I would seriously pass 70 times against this defense, and they would do nothing to stop it.

- They have no idea how to finish games. I've watched my fair share of games this year, and the Bears typically score on their first drive, have a decent second quarter, and do NOTHING in the second half. Does Lovie Smith give them reverse pep-talks? I can only imagine him at the blackboard like Ben Stein boring the team to tears. Lance Briggs needs to spear him into a wall or something. Too bad Braylon Edwards isn't on their team to hook them up with 5 Hour Energy- although I hear a side-effect of that is the "dropsies."

- Terrible play calling. Their offensive coordinator Ron Turner is pass happy. He literally calls games like he's playing "Super Playaction Football" for Super Ninetendo. In that game you can call deep bombs all day and rack up the yards. Unfortunately for Ron, he's in the NFL, he has an average quarterback with below average receivers, and one of the best running backs. Why in the world do you pass so much when you have the lead? And Lovie, what the hell was that fake punt all about? It's like they were trying to lose the game.

These are enough flaws to make me realize that my hopes of a Super Bowl redemption are ill-conceived. I think they have some good pieces, but will need to have a good draft to complete the puzzle. Until then, enjoy close losses and underacheiving.

Thursday/Friday Shows

I'm playing tonight and tomorrow at Pyramid in Sacramento (6:30-8:30 and 8-10pm, respectively) so come on out and enjoy some fine ales and food. As always, tell your server you're there to see me and get 30% off your check.

Here's an EXAMPLE of what you can see. It's amazing I could even play at that point because I had witnessed James Loney hit a grand slam off Ryan Dempster literally minutes before stepping on stage. I still rocked the Cubs jersey with whatever pride I had left.

Speaking of the Cubs- why are you not getting Jake Peavy? It would make total sense, and I described exactly how to make it happen in the last post. Now, it seems that the deal is dead and I'm disappointed. Peavy is one of my favorite players, despite not being on the Cubs. You would think the Cubs' brass would sack up and get it done, but I suppose I don't know what goes on behind the scenes. Oh well... what could've been...

I really like the Killers' new album. It is their third (or fourth, depending on your count) major label album, so it's about time for the haters to surface. However, I still like what they're bringing to the table.

Anyway, come out to Pyramid if you can and have a great early weekend!

Back In The Game...

Sorry I've been so lazy... well, actually, I'm not that sorry. I've been busy!

Week 14 of the NFL: I have to be honest, I didn't watch a ton of the games- and for good reason. I won't watch the Bears because they literally are 0-"every time I watch them." I couldn't watch the Giants/Eagles, Niner/Jets, or Steelers/Cowboys because none of the games really entertained me. Some were interesting if you're a fan of those teams, but overall they were very boring, slow paced games. Same with Ravens/Redskins on Sunday night. I will say this though, NorCal talk radio is going to be on fire today with people thinking the Niners are on their way back to greatness. For example:

A caller on Murph & Mac (KNBR 680) called up this morning with a metaphor- I'll paraphrase: I see a strong correlation with history and the Niners. Coach Singeltary is General Lee and Mike Martz is Stonewall Jackson -

[Murph interrupts- "The only problem I see is that Confedercy ended up losing." - caller continues]

Hold on there buddy! WE ran out of men! I'm not saying it wasn't a good thing the North won, but that was "The War of Northern Aggression."

Awesome. What have we come to in the Bay Area? Honestly, keep on holding to that metaphor, buddy. There's no way the Niners are going to end up winning this war.

MLB Hot Stove Update: I'm truly addicted to checking updates on baseball signings. It's truly great if the team you root for has the ability to go out and make big moves. It feels like winning the World Series when your team makes a big trade. Oh wait- I have no idea what that actually feels like so I can't be saying such silly things. But what I will say, is the Cubs don't really have an excuse to not get Jake Peavy. Here's how:

- Trade Jason Marquis to the Mets. Preferably for Aaron Heilman, but if not, just take whatever prospect and have the Mets eat a large portion of Marquis' salary.

- Next, swap Felix Pie for Garret Olson (Orioles). The O's have wanted Pie forever. They still think he's good. Take advantage of that. They took Sammy Sosa and Corey Patterson off your hands, I'm sure they will take another bust outfielder. Sidenote: I know Pie's last name is pronounced Pee-A, but wouldn't it be awesome if his jersey number was the Pi symbol? Ok, I'm a dork...

- Throw Garret Olson on his way to San Diego along with Sean Marshall, Ronny Cedeno, Josh Vitters, and Mike Hart. GM Kevin Towers wants five players in return for Peavy, so give him five players. He'd love to have those particular five players. You don't give up Jeff "I'm going to have to look up how to spell" Samardzija. You don't give up Mike "I hit pinch hit homers all day" Fontenot. You don't give up Micah "I won't play until Derrek Lee is gone, but I still hit .400" Hoffpauir. Heck, if Brian Giles would waive his no-trade clause, I'd even throw in some of these players to get him as well.

So what? I'm a greedy Cubs fan. But seriously, that trade would get it done- and with reasonable payroll. It's like I majored in Econ and should be a GM (well, at least one of those things is true.) I don't think that scenario is unrealistic, and if the Cubs end up getting Peavy, check out the framework- I bet it looks similar to the above.

The BCS - I hate the BCS. I'm not a fan and never will be. It disgusts me that Texas does not get a shot to at least redeem themselves against Oklahoma (in a tournament, perhaps?) Which is why I'm going to anger even myself when I say this- I think the two best teams are playing for the National Championship.

I understand that Texas beat them earlier in the season on a neutral field. Even when I was watching that game, it felt like Oklahoma was better. I actually think if they played 10 games, OU would win 8 out of 10 times. And you can definitely disagree with that, but we can't prove it because there is no tournament.

With that being said, does a tournament even solve anything? I've seen teams get upset in the NCAA basketball tournament that are clearly more talented teams than the eventual champions. Many underdogs can pull of a 3-14 or 4-13 upset and then immediately get bounced in the next game (e.g. Santa Clara (15) beat Arizona (2) in the first round of the 1993 tourney only to lose to Temple (7) in the next game.)

Maybe eliminating the tournament also sets up the ideal match-up. It eliminates all those great moments that everyone lives for where the underdog beats the powerhouse. No George Mason No Kent St. No (wait for it G$) Miami of OH. No Gonzaga.

Sorry, I can't jump on board with a system that eliminates those great moments. Regardless if these are the two best teams in College Football, they both have losses to Texas and Ole Miss (making them good, but not automatic championship game good). There should be a tournament where the winner EARNS their championship game participation by beating the other best teams in the nation.

Go Texas and USC. Blow out your Big 10 opponents (Ohio St and Penn St, repectively) and cause a massive problem for the BCS.

Phew! Sorry for being absent. I'll try to raise my game a bit in the coming weeks.