Friday, January 30, 2009

Diverting Conversation

For your Friday pleasure, I'm going to recap the weirdest experience I've ever had in a Best Buy electronics store. There is a moral to this story- a very important moral that many, many people I randomly come across could learn from.

I was dating my now-fiance for only a couple months, and she was telling me about the show "Flight of the Conchords" (now one of my favorite shows.) The DVD of Season 1 had just come out and we went to Best Buy to get it. This was also just after Halloween, and we had been watching scary movies. I mentioned to her that we should watch "28 Days Later" because she had never seen it. In addition, I decided to also purchase "28 Weeks Later" because neither of us had seen the sequel.

With said items in hand, we went to the check out line. The line was fairly long even though it was nearing closing time. We waited patiently until the middle-aged man next to us said, "What are you two getting?"

He proceeded to inspect our shopping items as if he was a Scotland Yard official. I hate when people do this. It's not your business. We're not friends and there's no point in making small talk. My only hope was that he'd see the zombie movies I was buying and back off. I showed him the movies and he replied, "Oh, I don't like those kind of movies." To which I thought, Nothing like someone asking what I'm buying and then critiquing my taste.

He continued, "You know what movies I like?"

No Jack-ass- what do you like, I thought.

"Disney movies! They are happier movies without all the murder and rape. That'll just get in your head and make you crazy."

Crazier than a late 40s, early 50 year old man proclaiming that he loves Disney movies out of thin air, eh? Well played, sir.

"What's your favorite Disney movie?" he asked.

"Umm, Jungle Book, I guess," I replied in a less than enthusiatic tone.

Apparently he didn't catch on to my tone because he then broke into song and dance (seriously, I'm not joking.) He sang, "Look for those bare necessities, those mother nature's receipes- Forget about your worries and your strife!" His dance was remincient of Lloyd Christmas's dance during "Dumb and Dumber" when he first puts on the bright orange suit (As seen here at the end of the clip. Yes, it's in Italian.)

And you would think by this time, the line would be done or he would have realized that he was being ridiculous. Nope, neither.

"Do you two like Disneyland? I love Disneyland! Everyone is so happy there! I love the characters and the rides and everything about it!"

Dude, are you serious?

"You know what the best time to go to Disneyland is? November, when it's a little cold and rainy. You can get on the rides so much faster because not many other people are there! You know what else is a great way to get to the front of the line?"

To which I replied, "Go with someone in a wheelchair so you are immediately allowed to the front?"

And while my answer is in fact correct, he said, "No. Single-rider! You see, if you go on the rides by yourself, you can go to the front and they'll let you fill in empty seats. It's great!"

So let me get this straight, assuming you have a wife, you leave her at Toon Town while you single-ride the rides spreading your merriment to other creeped-out folks?

My fiance took the high road. She said, "So do you go to Disneyland with your kids?" She was trying to let him save his manhood. Give him an excuse so this story won't sound so crazy.

"Nah. My kids don't like it as much anymore. I think they've grown out of it."

"Oh, how old are they? 13? 14?" my fiance asked.

"No. They're 27 and 25," replied the Disney-loving man.

So at this point, there can't be anything left, right? Wrong. He, out of nowhere, brought up another Disney story.

"So one time, I'm right over by Mickey Mouse, and you know that the mascots are not allowed to talk. There were a lot of kids around Mickey and I did my best Mickey Mouse impression from behind him- 'Well, hello there! [in a high pitched Mickey Mouse voice.]' All the kids started freaking out! 'Mickey Mouse talked!' they said. My Mickey impression was so good, that the kids thought he was talking!"

Wow. We were speechless. I mean, what can you really say about a grown man striking up a conversation with complete strangers only to direct it in a fashion that would lead to him doing a Mickey Mouse impression? Since he was in front of us in line, it was his turn (FINALLY) to approach the cashier. For good measure he greeted the cashier with his Mickey Mouse impression, "Well, hello there!" My fiance and I quickly made our purchases and bolted for the car as quickly as possible. It was finally over.

What is the moral of the story you ask? Please, please, please if you are a stranger that wants to start up a conversation with someone- do NOT start it with the agenda of leading it somewhere that serves only yourself. In fact, don't start it at all. This man only began the conversation about what we were buying so that he could eventually "show off" his impression of Mickey Mouse. I literally have no problem with Disneyland, or adults liking it. I do have a problem when someone views my purchase of "28 Days Later" as a way to bring up their undying love for Disneyland, single-riding, and Mickey Mouse.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the Super Bowl. The Steelers are going to win, and probably cover- just in case you were curious.


Rae said...

Not that I care (i don't) but the CArds are going to win.

Have a great weekend!

Tony B. said...

Haha- I write my longest post ever about some weirdo and the only reaction I get from you, Wikoff, is about my lame Super Bowl prediction?

Seriously though, the Steelers are going to win and cover. I'll bet an Irish Carbomb on it.

GMoney said...

I could not agree more. I don't like it when ANYONE talks to me if I don't know them.