Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Teen Wolf

I could talk about many things today from the Cubs 11-6 loss yesterday all the way through how much I've grown to hate ESPN's coverage of the World Series of Poker (hey- let's show only hands where someone says "All-In!") but today I will be talking about a great American Cinema classic, "Teen Wolf."

I took the time to watch the entire movie last night. I remember loving the movie as a kid, and I understand why, but I'm not sure the movie holds up quite as well these days.

First off, I'm 100% certain my 7th grade basketball team could beat any team featured in the movie- with or without "the Wolf." I'm glad that movie-makers take a bit more time to make sports more realistic on screen these days. Michael J. Fox is less believable as a basketball player in "Teen Wolf" than the movie "Independence Day" is as a whole. I do love that their team mascot is "The Beavers." There's no way that's not a purposeful sexual innuendo.

Next, the general premise of MJF's girl issues. The movie portrays him as this good guy that's try to date the popular girl at school. If only he could take her to the party, he could save her from her ruffian boyfriend from the rival school (mascot "The Dragons.") That's all well and good, but the fact remains is that it encourages young dudes who don't know any better to pine after girls that are already taken. It was never MJF's business to try to get with the popular blonde girl (who leaves a lot to be desired in the hotness department.) She gives him the cold shoulder numerous times and he still wants her no matter what. He's even rewarded later in the movie by getting busy with her and her granny-panties in the high school theatre dressing room! It sends a bad message to teenage boys who are told, "Don't worry, be as annoying as possible and one day, you may turn into a wolf and get it on with the popular girl who has a boyfriend!" The erosion of our moral standards, indeed.

Lastly, we have to move to the character that was such a star in this movie, that people have even taken his name. Rupert "Stiles" Stilinski was Michael J. Fox's best friend and trouble maker in "Teen Wolf." He pretended to surf on top of MJF's family's business van. He wore ridiculous T-shirts. He tried to persuade MJF to pretend hold up a convenience store to get a keg for the big party that they were trying to get into. As it turned out, MJF's wolf powers allowed them to get a keg, but there were already 10 kegs at the party, and no one seemed to mind them coming in. And here's where it gets odd, for someone that was worried about even getting into the party, Styles all of a sudden is running all the party games (such as whipped cream bondage, jello down the shirt of some girl, and two minutes in the make-out closet with a werewolf.) Why would someone be able to just take over the party and start running games when they were barely on the guest list? It either takes a confident young man or a bad 80s movie plot device to make magic happen!

The movie holds up enough to watch it and be mildly entertained, but I'm not rushing out to buy it on DVD any time soon. Ah HBO, you've done it again- I wasted another night watching a ridiculous movie!

PS: Was the less popular love interest really named "Boof?" Is Boof Bonsor named after her?


GMoney said...

I actually did a post about this movie in early 2007. Check the archives. A few things:

At the dance, is there a worse song than "Big Bad Wolf" in which the kids all do wolf-like poses? I think not.

This movie actually takes place in Nebraska which may be a first.

At the bowling alley, Mick McCallister's smack at Scott Parker is, "Your momma used to steal chickens out of the backyard until I blew her head off with a shotgun". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!

I don't care how bad that team is, Chubby would never start for anyone. But the Coach is hilarious.

Tony B. said...

My bad G$, didn't mean to bite your old post (I was watching Teen Wolf last night thinking why the hell am I doing this?) For those who want to see a professional Teen Wolf post click HERE!!!

Excellent points all around. Not only is that smack talk awful, but do they ever address what happened to Scott's mom? I assume she died, but I don't think they ever talk about it, do they?

Tony B. said...

Just went back and read your post- hilarious! The line about Scott's dad looking like Jerry Garcia made me laugh out loud!

Rae said...

HBO is God's way of punishing you for canceling your Netflix.

Tony B. said...

Seriously! I have to get my mediocre movie fix somewhere.

Adrianne said...

mediocre movie fix (or good movies with mediocre quality..

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