Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Honeymoon In Jamaica Part 2

After waking up after all the restaurants had closed, we decided to once again trek to the Beach Grill. After eating a Jerk Burger and Fries (yeah, it's as good as it sounds) we went to the bar for drinks. We also played pool and ping pong. It was somewhat fun, but because of the timing of our travel, we were feeling like our activities should be a bit more exciting. In reality, we hadn't realized how to participate in the activities available to us.

In the morning, we stopped by the Beach Grill to talk to Julian (awesome Jamaican dude who seemed to work there every day) because Mrs. B. had inquired about getting some breadfruit the day before. Julian had told us to come back at 11am and he would see what he could do. Breadfruit, as it turned out, was out of season so Julian could not get it. Instead, he told us to come back around 12:15 and he'd have lobster grilled up for us. Since lobster was not on the Beach Grill menu, this was especially awesome of him. It was very good, and of course, served with fries.

For her wedding gift(s), I had gotten Mrs. B. three things. One was a bracelet to wear with her wedding dress. Two was a private beach dinner during the honeymoon. And three was a couple's massage during the honeymoon. In fact, the argument could be made (if you're a dick) that my gifts were not that great because I was involved in the beach dinner and couple's massage, but let's be honest, while I had fun at both I could have gone without both activities. When you go on a date and take a girl out to dinner, she doesn't call you selfish because you got to eat too, right?

Anyway, fast forward to us being naked in a dark room getting rubbed down by two Jamaicans (man for her, woman for me.) Minutes in, the massage lady starts whispering about other treatments that I might need. Apparently I have pimples on my nose that could use a facial, and that I need extra massage sessions to work out tension in my shoulders and lower back. Do me a favor lady, can you let me enjoy my hour massage without you whispering in my ear like a stripper trying to talk me into "extra service?" There's also nothing like being naked on a table and being told about small pimples on my nose that are maybe visible to the scientists at NASA but no one else.

The massage treatment, overall, was good. So good, that we decided to take an afternoon nap. We made this a habit for pretty much the entire trip. It also worked out because if I didn't feel like napping, the baseball playoffs were typically on so I could either nap or watch baseball. Part of the honeymoon is relaxing as well, right?

That night we ate at Chef Adrian's Barefoot Cafe. I ordered the Seafood Jambalaya and was ready to get after it. When it showed it, I was a little hesitant. You see, besides the usual shrimp expected in jambalaya there was some more exotic seafood included. The headliner were the two inch tall octopi that were here and there. I couldn't bring myself to eat the octopi in full, though I did eat some of the legs that had fallen off the main body of an octopus. There were mussels and something else that I'm forgetting. The dish as a whole was very good, and it helped me completely clean out my system of Beach Grill if you know what I mean (we're talking about clogging a toilet here people!)

That night Mrs. B. wanted get organized and figure out all the trips and activities we would participate in. We settled on:

- Ziplining through the rainforest (pretty much the coolest thing I've ever done.)
- Snorkeling with a dude that looked like a Chappelle's Show character. If someone told me that Dave Chappelle had escaped the US once again and was working in Jamaica as a snorkeling guide, I would not have questioned it because this guy looked exactly like him- only with silver hair.
- A sunset cruise that has booze and cave swimming (it ended up getting rained out, so we never ended up going)
- A trip to Rick's Cafe where Mrs. B. went cliff diving. I didn't because my thirst for thrill seeking was quenched by ziplining, and I didn't feel like my body would react well to a 70 foot drop into the ocean. The sunset there was amazing.

Part 3 tomorrow will wrap everything up on the honeymoon.

The Broncos are really 6-0? Damn. Maybe Kyle Orton wasn't so bad after all...


GMoney said...

I would have given you mad props had you paid for the "extra service" with your wife 5 feet away from you. That is something that Burt Reynolds (or someone else less dated) would do.

Tell me more about this toilet clogging!!!

No one can stop Kyle Orton's neckbeard.

Tony B. said...

Damn- that might have been my best opportunity to cover the Longest Yard and live up to Burt's legendary status.

As far as the toilet clogging, it was by for my most explosive #2 in a long time. I was going to leave this out, but here is some extra bonus commentary.

After our meal, I felt my stomach rumbling. I told Mrs. B. we needed to return to the room quickly. When we got the room, the housekeeping lady was just finishing up putting rose petals on the bed, along with two towels shaped like swans that formed a heart. Extremely romantic stuff.

But then, my beast of a crap ruined the mood almost immediately. Upon completion, I flushed once- no go. I waited a minute or two, then flushed again. The water rose to the very top of the brim, but luckily didn't overflow. I immediately searched for some matches or candles in order to stifle the smell. I then began thinking about running after the housekeeping lady to find a plunger. Before I left the room, the toilet powerfully corrected itself, and the problem was fixed (unlike the romantic mood.)

We'll file this one under G$'s love of craps and hope others enjoyed that one as well.

Adrianne, Wedding Chicks "Real Bride" Blogger said...

That was an important crap! They seemed to be few and far between in Jamaica. Too sparse for the amount of Beach Grill we were eating. The real damage happened when we got home. Damn we're perfect for each other.

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