Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Wedding Adventure

I don't even know where to start with this post, and I know at points it could ramble or be too brief, so I'll try to balance everything as best as possible.

On the morning of October 3, I woke to find my friend Woods getting up to go work out. He, my other friend Kevin, and I had gone out after the rehearsal dinner and bar hopped to each and every bar in Downtown Vacaville (sounds impressive, but it was only 3 bars, all within a block of each other.) I thought working out would be good, but I also thought extra sleep would be helpful, so I opted for the latter. Unfortunately, my brain was already too wired to go back to sleep so I laid in bed for an extra hour without getting anymore sleep.

Kevin and I went to get the surprisingly excellent complimentary breakfast at the Hampton Inn & Suites (every aspect of the wedding was just blocks from everything else, so everything I mention is in the town of Vacaville which is about a 30 minute drive from Sacramento.) Breakfast was excellent as Kevin and I talked about fantasy football. He mentioned that he had Matt Forte on his team the year prior along with a bunch of other savages. A woman at the next table over interrupted our conversation.

"Are you talking about the music software 'Forte?' My sister uses it and likes it very much."

Then we had to explain to her and her cowboy-hatted husband that, no, in fact we were talking about Chicago Bears running back Matt Forte. To which she said, "Oh, I thought you were talking about the software."

Now this begs the question, why were you listening in on our conversation? Why would you interrupt us after listening out of context? Last, why would you reiterate that you thought we were talking about something that we weren't? On the way back, Kevin made a good point. "You could start any conversation like that- 'Oh, you're using a fork. My sister eats her pancakes with a fork.'" People can be annoying sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean A LOT!)

After that weird interaction, I got ready to go on a hike. Woods, my best man Sean, and I were going for a hike in the Vacaville hills around Lagoon Valley Road. Kevin was invited, but did not have proper shoes so he passed. The hike was excellent. I needed to get some fresh air, do something active, and generally not sit around to wait anxiously. We went to the parking stop and accidentally stumbled onto a local Fun Run's finish line. McGruff the Crime Dog was walking around and I got my picture with him. I haven't gotten the pic from Sean just yet, but I'll make sure to post it once I have it. He was taking a bite out of crime, even with his human legs and tennis shoes.

Upon returning to the hotel. I needed to run a few errands. My shirt was a local dry cleaners, and I needed shaving supplies. I got my shirt, shaving supplies, and on the way out of the parking lot saw a Little Caesar's across the street. $5 for a large pizza on my wedding day? Yes, please! I brought it back to the hotel where Woods and I demolished the pizza. We both agreed we hadn't had Little Caesar's in years, so this was a good treat.

So the story has been tame so far- ready for some drama, yet? Ok...

As I mentioned in a comment before I left, our photographer was in a horrible motorcycle accident just days before our wedding. He is currently doing better and I've been told that he and his family will be in San Francisco for the next three to four months so he can complete a rehibilitation program. This came as a shock, and we wish nothing but the best to him and his family. He's a great photographer and a very cool person.

On Friday morning (the day before the wedding), the once future and now current Mrs. B. sent a message to her blog madam (that sounds bad, but Mrs. B. was/is blogging for a site called Wedding Chicks and she is a "Real Bride Blogger" there.) The Wedding Chicks lady sent out an email and a tweet about our situation and we had six photographers to choose from by noontime. We ultimately chose Mariea Rummel who ended up doing a fantastic job for us. Back to the story...

Mariea shows up to introduce herself and to get a few shots of me getting ready. She was great and very calming in the midst of everything else. In the meantime, our florist came to drop off all the flowers a few hours too early, so I had to take all of them to my room. A small meaningless detail, except when you start factoring in everything else. I really don't know, or care to get into the whole flower story except to say that I would NOT recommend Visual Impacts in Sacramento to anyone looking for a florist. The process was difficult, stressful, and culimnated in the owner yelling at my mother-in-law right before the wedding. As a vendor who relies on wedding business, you must be out of your mind to yell and add stress to a wedding. Your job is to follow directions that you didn't follow (wrong color flowers, you used cheaper ones to try and give us less value for what we paid you for, and you set up stuff incorrectly when we had another person who was supposed to set up everything for the ceremony) and that's pretty much it.

So I was finally ready to catch our limo and go a few blocks to the ceremony site. My brothers, Sean, and I were out front ready to go, and we had to wait as the limo driver attempted to overcharge us as well. You see, the limo service we hired told someone (not the correct person) that they couldn't make it, but they would send someone from their sister company. That sister company costs basically double and they sprung that one us right before they were supposed to drive the groomsman literally three blocks to the ceremony site. We waited for a few minutes while appropriate arrangements were made, and without warning, the limo driver jumped in his limo and drove off! Sean immediately thought it was hilarious, and I was pissed, but figured I would find it hilarious someday. Today is that day. Who just leaves a situation without even acknowledging the situation? That would be like you going into the return an item at a store and the clerk gets frustrated, leaves the counter and just walks out of the store. Who needs their stupid service anyway? We got in cars, drove 45 seconds to the ceremony, and started taking pictures.

Upon arriving, the wedding coordinator was freaking out about the limo and her inability to reach my almost mother-in-law (try calling her cell phone, rather than her house phone maybe?) I pretty much relayed to her that what's done is done, and we are now going to take pictures. Little did I know of her confusing plot to stress everyone out as the ceremony neared...

Mrs. B. had drawn up a detailed diagram of how everything was to be set up. Seats, seating placement, aisle runner, etc. Our set up guy, Zack (who is the man) had everything under control until the wedding planner and florist started telling him what to do. For instance, to make it more comfortable for everyone, we did not want to put either of our biological parents next to each other. Both our sets of parents are divorced, and why make things more uncomfortable, right? Oh, no. The wedding planner put the seat cards for our Moms and Dads to sit next to each other. Right next to each other. On top of that, as I found out yesterday, she told my mother-in-law to "put her emotions aside" and that "the groom's mom requested it." She told my mom that "the bride's mom and requested it." Hmmm.... seems a bit fishy that no one requested it, so why are both sides of the family being lied to just to make things more uncomfortable. If we wanted a more traditional set up and less freedom in the set up, we would've gotten married in a church (I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but many churches trump the bride and groom when it comes to some details.) As it stands, we were in a park so that WE could control every detail.

Rule #1 to wedding planning: YOUR JOB IS TO HELP THE BRIDE AND GROOM (mostly the bride) EXECUTE WHATEVER THEY WANT. DON'T MESS WITH IT!

As it stands, the wedding coordinator did set up a nice walk down the aisle for everyone, but really that's all she needed to do. In fact, she stayed through the reception (which was fine) and for reasons unknown, kept telling our DJ what to do (and consequentally rushed us through the cake cutting, garter toss and bouquet toss.)

Back to some fun details:

- I played the song "Sugar" by Tonic at the ceremony.
- I wrote an original song called "Are You Serious?" about us getting engaged and married which I played at the reception.
- I also managed to squeeze in an acoustic version of R. Kelly's "Ignition (the Remix)" (by request, of course.)
- During the toast portion, Mrs. B. made a wonderful toast thanking all of our family and friends, then missed her seat on the way back down completely falling backwards! I was worried, but since she is currently ok, we can laugh about it now.
- My friend JP was blasted, tied his tie around his head, and was creating quite a buzz throughout the wedding. JP's the man!
- My friend Phil gave me a lapdance. I'm certain there is a video on Facebook, so if you have the time you can see it there.
- We had a signature cocktail called "The Cosmo and Juliette" which was named after our cats. Everyone loved it (maybe a little too much.)
- I really tried to enjoy every moment, but it does seem like it flew by!
- After the wedding, Mrs. B. and I went back to the hotel to, ahem- consummate the union. We then went back out and met up with people at Cheers in downtown Vacaville (no, Woody, Cliff, Norm, Sam Malone, Shelly Long, and fat Kirstie Alley were not there.) There were however, many drunken heart to heart conversations between everyone.
- Our night ended at IHop. I think I got a waffle. Kudos to the group that stuck it out to the end!

The next morning, we gathered everything and got ready for our Jamaican honeymoon... more details on that soon.

Overall, the wedding was a success and we had a lot of fun. Like any big event, there were probably a few things that could have been improved, but all things considered, we had a lot of fun and I think most everyone else did, too.

7 comments:

Stevie Reed said...

Great run down Tony... I was at the ceremony quite early and witnessed the madness of musical chairs. I knew Adrianne's mom was legit when she pretty much gave the person moving the chairs (who I now know is the wedding planner) a "Fuck you" but using other words. It was a few moments I thought Adrianne's mom was gonna throw down with the wedding planner. Would have made a great story actually.


- Drinks were good
- JP was out of control but hilarious, although Christine almost socked him
- Are you serious was awesome
- Adrianne falling over was not funny until she laughed about it, thank god
- Sorry about the date switch

Finally, the wedding was awesome and congrats

Tony B. said...

That's not a bad run down as well Steve. It was great to have you there!

GMoney said...

Your photographer is pretty hot. Nice choice.

Sitting your parents together seems retarded regardless of the intentions.

Told you that it would go fast. Don't worry, everything slows down again in about a week.

CONGRATS ON THE CONSUMMATION!!!

Tony B. said...

In thinking about it Steve, Mrs. B.'s mom might have been yelling at the florist. The florist was wreaking much havoc during the set up.

Rae said...

Teehee... Tony lost his v-card :P

But seriously, Remix was my fav part and Cheers/ IHOP was great. poor Phil, though. Congrats and best wishes!

best moment? Sean gets up for the toast, everyone cheers, he says "it's not going to be that good" and someone in the crowd answers back "THAT'SWHATSHESAID!"

I almost died :)

Tony B. said...

That was in fact, Downtown Bob the DJ with one of the best placed That's What She Said's of all time (though I don't think Sean felt that way!)

Adrianne, Wedding Chicks "Real Bride" Blogger said...

omg I didn't realize your breakfast conversation was interrupted too! In the middle of my English Muffin I mentioned to Woods that I missed our cats. The overalled man next to us heard and gave us the whole scoop on his neighbor's dog and how it likes to lay on his recliner. Apparently it makes him mad because it's HIS recliner after all...