Wednesday, January 13, 2010

What Ever Happened To... Mark Prior?

Back in the summer of 2003, I have to admit that the highlight for me was going to Wrigley Field and watching Mark Prior throw a 2-1 complete game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Watching him throw an absolutely masterful game was about as good as it could get for a Cubs fan- nay- even a baseball fan.

However, after a number of things going wrong (colliding with Marcus Giles on the basepaths, being overworked by Dusty Baker, hurting his ankle and then compensating with too much shoulder action, and even being loosely linked to steroids) Mark Prior hasn't pitched in the majors for many years now. Where has he gone? We know he was trying to rehab and pitch for his hometown San Diego Padres as of a year ago, but even they released him and let him walk away.

So where is the once phenom now? Here are my top predictions for where my former favorite MLB player is right now:

- On His Couch - I mean, he's a multi-millionare. The Cubs paid him $10 million as a signing bonus when he was drafted. If he wasn't able to keep that money around, he still stole $3-$4 million in 2005 and 2006 from the Cubs and he got an extra $1 million from the Padres in 2007 when he was rehabbing. I have to believe he has a home theatre with a nice couch where he can just relax and do nothing.

- At Church - I once saw Prior and his wife at St. Vincent's Catholic Church in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago. Since nothing else has worked to heal his pitching arm, I have to believe he's putting his faith in the heavens above. Last ditch effort plan- sell soul to the devil for a new arm.

- Doing The Electric Glide With LT - Prior resides in San Diego, so why wouldn't he join local legend LT in some good ol' fashioned dance moves. If you haven't seen it, here it is in all its glory:

- He Crashed On "The Island"- On a flight back from Australia to LAX, Prior's plane crashed on a mystical island with Polar Bears, Smoke Monsters, and plenty of sexual tension. Hopefully for his sake there is time travel as well because that might be the only chance of him regaining his career.

And the winner is...

- Mark Prior is in a Pumpkin Patch!

Hopefully he gets done picking out pumpkins to carve, so he can get his baseball career back on track. Honestly, I don't have much hope of that happening, but I do miss watching him pitch.


GMoney said...

It really is amazing how awful Dusty Baker is with young arms. You watch, he will ruin two of the Reds core 4 of Volquez, Cueto, Chapman, and least two.

By the way, the Reds have some stud young pitching. Well done, Redlegs.

Tony B. said...

I'm not concerned- Dusty will ruin them all.

By the way, is Chapman the whitest name for a Cuban player ever?