Thursday, February 11, 2010

Fantasy Baseball Tale

Many years ago, some guys started up a fantasy baseball league called "The Pete Rose Gambling All-Stars." That league was a keeper league that lasted a solid 6 years. We even recruited some guys on message boards to fill out the league with mostly successful results. Except one...

At the inception of the league, a guy named Randy joined and immediately got off on the wrong foot. I named my team "Thuganomics sponsored by Ryne Sandberg" which was obviously a reference to the (at that time) rising star in the WWE, John Cena. Cena's gimmick was (and still is, sort of) that he was a white-rapping wrestler. I took this gimmick and made up raps of my own for the league homepage. My first one was this:

"My rhyme is so tight it'll weaken your knees. Just like your mom last night while she's beggin' me 'Please.' Thuganomics is coming at you and you know that it's standard. That's why we got sponsorship from the Man, Ryne Sandberg. I'm not finished, I'm just getting started. I'm not like other owners who are just plain retarded. The fantasy wit is as sharp as a knife. I'll be back later, til then WORD LIFE..."

It also included this pic:

Randy responded with a story that had one simple goal- to displace my original story:

"Cover Up

Cover up the childish crap

Oh no you didn't! Last time I checked, Fantasy Sports are for grown men to compete and talk crap in a fun, sporting environment. Not for a-holes to join a league with people they don't know only to call them immature (thanks for stating the obvious, Einstein) and ruining a perfectly decent juvenile time.

It turns out that Randy was offended by the picture. He did not appreciate having a buff wrestler on the league homepage to remind him of how weak and frail he was. More than likely, he was homophobic and didn't know how to deal with it. I responded with another story:

"Comedy Dies In PRGAS

On February 26, 2003 all sense of humor was drained from the "Pete Rose Gambling All Stars." Of the humor, Randy King was quoted as saying, "Cover up the crap." Immediately, the rest of the league decided to cease and desist every funny comment, jab, or anything else that could even be considered remotely funny. An annoyomous source has said that, "The comedy cannot be held down for too long. This league has too much potential for the absense of a sense of humor." Hopefully, everyone will realize that we are all joking and NOT TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUS.

It came complete with this pic:

The caption read Randy says "Cover the crap!"

Randy posted another story apologizing (sort of) but ultimately, his days in the our league were numbered. He only played one year, and then quit. We had to find a replacement for him, and we continued on.

Fantasy sports is a time where you should be able to say anything without having others take offense. Enjoy the league, talk some crap, and in the end congratulate the winner (or don't- sometimes a grudge can make the next year even more fun!) Remember that as your fantasy baseball draft comes up.


GMoney said...

Randy was right. You were being childish. Acting like John Cena is a disgusting act that only a 5 year old would do. I'm more of a Santino Marella guy myself.

I hate John Cena. I watched The Marine just to see how awful it was. It was even worse than I expected.

Tony B. said...

Isn't Ted DiBiase's son in the sequel to The Marine?

Why would you watch a movie just to see how horrible it was?

GMoney said...

I like to waste my time. And yes, Ted Dibiase is in The Marine 2...STRAIGHT TO DVD!!!

Did you see 12 Rounds with Cena and Mayor Carcetti from The Wire? That actually didn't look THAT bad. I watched a bit of The Condemned with Stone Cold and that showed some serious "guy movie" promise.

Tony B. said...

Are we talking about the same "guy movie" promise that JCVD or Dolph Lundgren showed in their day?

Seriously though, I loved Stone Cold back in the day so I would probably watch movies with him in it. Haven't seen The Condemned, but maybe that would be the perfect Valentine's movie with the wife?

GMoney said...

From what I could tell from the 20 minutes that I saw, some producer gathered a shitload of hardcore criminals and threw them on an island for the ultimate reality show. Last person alive won. There were random landmines and shit everywhere. Stone Cold was the badass that was like falsely "COMDEMNED" or something. My guess is that he won.

Tony B. said...

I just hope he ripped someone's head off while he performed the Stone Cold Stunner. That's a movie I could watch.

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