Wednesday, April 28, 2010

LOST: Week Off

There is no new episode of LOST this week, and despite my mild panic attack, I'm doing ok. Only five total hours left in the show, and honestly, I have no idea how it's going to end. Will it all be a dream? Will we literally find out where the island is between Heaven and Hell? Is it a purgatory type place, and if so, what the hell are commercial airlines doing plotting a course over it?

So instead, let's combine my love of LOST with my love of baseball and field a team:

1. Miles Straume - RF - Maybe it's because he's slick and talks to dead people, or maybe he's just Asian like Ichiro, but Miles is hitting leadoff for me. Considering the amount of times he's narrowly escaped sure fire death traps (the Incident, and the Smoke Monster in the Temple to name a couple) I have to imagine he's wily enough to steal a few bags for the team.

2. Jack Shepherd - SS - I'm pretty sure Matthew Fox played WR in college, which leads me to believe he'd be another decent table setter who is also athletic enough to handle short. Think of him as my Derek Jeter. A born leader who occasionally allows others to have the limelight, but everyone really knows who the real leader and star of the team is.

3. Sayid Jarrah - 1B - Sayid is a torturer. He will find your inner most fears and inflict pain upon you- just like Albert Pujols. As a Cubs fan, and can say I've taken my fair share of punishment inflicted by Fat Albert, and I'm pretty sure it feels similar to the pain Sayid's victims experience.

4. James "Sawyer" Ford - 3B - Sawyer is hitting clean up for me. He seems like the kind of guy who will come up in the clutch, psych other teams out, and pretty much use any tactic necessary to gain an advantage. I'm fairly certain he would walk across Dallas Braden's mound as well.

5. John Locke - LF - Ok, obviously we're talking about him "on island" because, while I am all for equal opportunity, I don't believe a guy in a wheelchair is going to be fielding very well in Left Field (well, unless we get Joe from Family Guy who plays a mean infield as well.) John will be right at him in the lush green outfields, and it will be his "destiny" to take as much HGH as possible and break home run records.

6. Kate Austen - CF - Kate is a badass tracker who loves to "run." I'm banking on her "running down" some long fly balls to sure up the defensive outfield. I'm hoping that she's up for hitting line drives or laying down a sacrifice ever so often. She is a beard-less Johnny Damon with a much nicer rack.

7. Michael Dawson - 2B - I'm going out on a limb on this one. I like Michael's commitment (i.e. he'll shoot two innocent women if they get in the way) but if his fielding breaks down to him yelling, "WAAAAAAAALT!" then our team is screwed. C'mon Mike- keep your head in the game!

8. Hugo "Hurley" Reyes - C - Pudge Reyes might be double the size of Bengie Molina, but I think he'll bring a calming presence to the team, and by default might truck someone trying to score at home plate (which would be awesome.) I won't expect much from him offensively, but as long as he keeps the team light-hearted and motivated, I think he'll succeed in this position.

9. Martin Keamy - SP - Look, I know what you're thinking- "This guy murdered Alex, and blew up the freighter- what is he doing on your team?" This guy is crazy in the head, will not take crap from anyone, and might take the phrase "he has a rocket arm" literally. It's this kind of crazy that's going to win us ballgames. As long as he doesn't try to shake down Sayid's brother during the game, we'll be fine.

BENCH (Quick rundown)

Charlie Pace - No drug addict is going to be effective (or legally playing.) Kick the habit and we'll talk.

Desmond Hume - Love his heart, but he keeps losing concentration and thinking he's somewhere else. He's only good for a pinch hit here and there.

Sun and Jin - Still trying to work out a deal with their Korean team... we'll see if we can sign them without Sun's father trying to murder the entire executive team.

Charles Widmore - This fool drops bombs! He's in!

SETUP PITCHER - Ana Lucia. I don't know why, but I just have a feeling that she would not allow any runs to score. If they came close, she'd find them in a dark alley and kill them.

CLOSER - Mr. Eko. If this guy isn't going to be a power hitter for me, then let him be the closer. He'll close the door on not most, but ALL games. Note to manager: remind Mr. Eko NOT to bring machetes to the mound.

MANAGER - Jacob (duh?)

Opposing Manager - The Man In Black (unfortunately he's left with Ben Linus, Mr. Friendly, Claire, Rose and Bernard, Richard, and Phil from Dharma security to make up his team. Good luck broseph!)

So there you go, that's my line up. This is what happens when LOST isn't on... God help this blog after the show is over.


Juanita's Journal said...

Michael Dawson - 2B - I'm going out on a limb on this one. I like Michael's commitment (i.e. he'll shoot two innocent women if they get in the way) but if his fielding breaks down to him yelling, "WAAAAAAAALT!" then our team is screwed. C'mon Mike- keep your head in the game!

Why did Michael's anxiety of Walt's disappearance bother fans so much? Michael's cries for Walt were normal reactions to the trauma of having his child snatched from him. Was it more important to fans that Michael project some kind of cool facade, instead? Or were they incapable of understanding the trauma that Michael had endured over the loss of Walt?

GMoney said...

I'm sorry, Juanita, but your avatar of Hayden Christiansen infuriates me.

A guy in a wheelchair would easily play a better LF than Soriano.

Tony B. said...

Am I really getting chastised on my joke post about LOST characters as a baseball team by someone with Anakin Skywalker as their profile icon?

I'm pretty sure I don't speak for all fans, but running around the jungle yelling for his son was not the most productive action to get his son back. He eventually murdered two innocent people for just the hope of getting his son back. Is that a normal reaction for a father?

Tony B. said...

G$, I should have seen that one coming- especially since I think you're correct about Soriano.