Thursday, May 6, 2010

Thank You Cards






















I must admit, the thought of Jimmy Fallon hosting a late night TV show seemed to be about as good of an idea as hanging for three hours in a room with children that are contagious with the swine flu. However, I will say that I've watched the show, and to be honest, it is a lot better than I expected. One skit they do is where Jimmy writes out thank you notes to random people, groups, celebrities, etc. Today, adding to my own series of thank you notes:

Dear Monte Bleu Casino in Tahoe,

Upon thinking about your Craps tables, I'm pretty sure the x5 rules at your table swings the advantage to the players (though I suppose any cold table will end up making the house money.) With odds like that, you may never be able to officially transition your casino away from the old Caesar's look to the new... uh... whatever it is you think you have going on.

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear Mexican Food,

Thank you for never allowing me to go on a diet. Every time I even contemplate eating healthy on a consistent basis, a little voice pops in my head and shakes sense into me. "You won't be able to eat burritos!!! Don't do it!" The voice is right. I couldn't do that.

Defeated,
Tony B.

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Dear Seattle Mariners,

Thank you for allowing me to chuckle at your issues with Milton Bradley. He definitely is the anchor of any team- if by anchor we're talking about something pulling your team/ship down to the bottom of the ocean. Thank you for taking him off the Cubs' hands.

Relieved,
Tony B.

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Dear Zack Attack,

Thank you for singing your two hit songs "Did We Ever Have A Chance?" and "Friends Forever" during an episode of Saved By The Bell. Even though you employed the cheap "it was all a dream" ending, I enjoyed seeing the highs and lows of the band, the fact that Casey Kasem narrated every scene, and the fact that Jessie was inexplicably not in the band. Keep on rockin' that fake instrument playing (besides Slater, I think he can actually play the drums.)

Forever,
Tony B.

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Dear Guy Who Got Tased at the Phillies Game,

Thank you for running out on the field despite the fact that you called your dad, asked him if it was a good idea, your dad told you it wasn't, and you did it anyway! You explained that it was a "once in a lifetime opportunity." Sure it is- if this is the only sporting event you'll ever go to in your entire life. You will always have the opportunity at any large event but you should also have the sense to not do it. However, since you did, I've enjoyed watching the video where you go down over and over.

Nice work,
Tony B.

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Late addition!

Dear Lawrence Taylor,

I will thank you to never be allowed out of prison. Your drug problems and horrible video games were one thing, you raping someone is completely different. For a guy on the defensive side of the ball, your actions are beyond offensive this time. I hope your cracked out ass goes to jail for a long time.

Enjoy getting caught with weight- cli-clank-clank,
Tony B.

3 comments:

GMoney said...

If I had to pick one ethnic food group to eat for the rest of my life, it would take me less than a second to say Mexican. Well, except Chipotle, that shit is awful.

My favorite part of Zack Attack was the painfully obvious lip-syncing! You know what, this was a Behind The Music before Vh1 even started doing them. Did they rip off SBTB? California Dreams band was better.

Tony B. said...

The California Dreams band would dominate not only Saved By The Bell, but pretty much every other TV band ever. Those actors actually played and sang their own parts.

Chipotle is horrible, especially considering how much excellent authentic Mexican food there is in California.

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