Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thank You Notes












I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Slovakia,

Thank you for helping me realize where the other half of Czechoslovakia went. You are pretty much the long lost Siamese twin that was removed from the Czech Republic. I wonder how your country ended up with the last half of Czechoslovakia in the name split. How do you determine that? Further, your name is also very similar to Slovenia- which is confusing for World Cup viewing.

Enlightened yet confused,
Tony B.

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Dear Kim Kardashian,

Thank you for breaking up with Reggie Bush, only go on and date another football player... this time it's Dallas Cowboy wide receiver Miles Austin. Given all the attention Tony Romo got for dating Jessica Simpson, if this one lasts, I'm sure Fox will find a way to show you at Cowboy games each week. This is good because I'd rather see hot girls in the stands than actually watch a Cowboy game (which coincidentally, they show WAY too many Cowboy games as their nationally televised game... I hate it.)

Graciously,
Tony B.

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Dear Amazon.com's Gold Box,

Thank you for providing me entertainment every day. I have never purchased an item that you've put on sale, but I routinely check just in case. It is comforting to know that I can purchase the complete series of "Fragglerock" today for $37.49! That is every episode from Jim Henson's second rate Muppets!

Amused,
Tony B.

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Dear Daniel Tosh,

Thank you for bringing a consistently sidesplitting show to Comedy Central (besides South Park, what else is there?) I mean, if your show didn't exist, how else would I have seen this kid get his grundle split open?

Tosh.0
Video Breakdown - Skateboarder Goes Down
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption2 Girls, 1 Cup ReactionDemi Moore Picture


The answer: I would've never seen it. Ever.

Thankful,
Tony B.

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Dear 40-Year-Old Virgin,

Thank you for reminding me that comedy movies don't have to be 2.5 hours long. While on Bravo over the weekend, I noticed that your run time was from 8-11:15! Amazing! 3.25 hours with commercials! Look, you're funny and all, but that kind of time slot should be saved for Lord of the Rings, Braveheart, and maybe the Star Wars movies. I don't need jokes about sex, waxing, and being drunk to last that long!

Best,
Tony B.

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Dear NBA Draft,

Thank you for happening. I feel like the build up has been so long, and I'm not sure you can live up to the hype this year, but I guess we'll see. I'm only interested to see if the Bulls can trade Luol Deng, open up some more cap space, then sign LeBron and another big time free agent (I can dream, right?) I'm just ready to get free agency under way and find out where all these guys are going to sign. The Summer of 2010 has been built up for years now, and I'm ready to see the results. The Draft will be the first part of that process, so let's get it over with!

Sincerely,
Tony B.

5 comments:

GMoney said...

You know, I'm no male gay or anything, but Miles Austin is an ugly guy. And my love for Kim wanes now that she's banging a Cowboy. She better break his heart.

Fraggle Rock ruled!

Tosh was weak last night. He brought his C game.

Luol Deng is awful and gets paid twice as much as he's worth. If you can find some team that wants him (Clippers?), you should deal him in a heartbeat.

Tony B. said...

I wish I had something to say, but I can't totally argue with any of your points. I would like to point out that Tosh's C game is still better than most shows on TV.

Anonymous said...

I really think Austin is not bad looking and tosh's c games are beter than the shows on tv .

Anonymous said...

I really think Austin is not bad looking and tosh's c games are beter than the shows on tv .

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