Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thank You Notes

Dear Joe Mauer,

Thank you for waiting until this week to get absolutely stupid offensively.  Better late than never is the apt phrase, but it would've been nice to not have to tank my fantasy baseball season by trading "for next year."  Oh well, I can't stay mad at you or your sideburns. 

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear Jeopardy!,

Thank you for Alex Trebek's awkward banter.  I have never been a regular viewer of the show, but recently, Mrs. B. and I have been watching and Alex has a way of making small talk feel like he's asking a teenager to talk about their first sexual experience.  At least I'm theoretically getting smarter.  Theoretically. 

Bring back the 'stache,
Tony B.

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Dear SpaceX,

Thank you for privatizing space travel.  I'm not saying I'll ever be able to afford a round trip to Mars, but it's nice to know it's an option.  I wonder if Martians hate LeBron James as well.  Maybe we'll find out soon. 

Excited,
Tony B.

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Dear Derrek Lee,

Thank you for vetoing your trade to the Angels.  I mean, it's been a pleasure having you on the Cubs for all these years after you absolutely broke Cubs fans' hearts in 2003 with the Marlins.  Now you're refusing to help the Cubs begin their rebuilding process now.  Don't get me wrong, you've earned your right to veto a trade, but don't get your hopes up on staying with the team next year.  If you do re-sign, someone needs to fire Jim Hendry immediately. 

Best,
Tony B.

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Dear Peppermill,

Thank you for being the greatest damn casino in the world!  I can't wait for the next time I visit... which happens to be today!  Hook me up with some good cards! 

See you soon,
Tony B.

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Dear Friday Post,

Thank you for not happening tomorrow.  You see, I'd much rather be in Reno than writing on my blog, so it's a no brainer- no post tomorrow.  It probably wasn't going to be that great anyway. 

Catch you Monday,
Tony B.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Miguel Batista, Miss Iowa, and Wal-Mart

I've got a few mini thoughts today.

- Miguel Batista filled in for Stephen Strasburg last night after the Stras couldn't get loose in the bullpen prior to the game.  My first thought was, "Miguel Batista is alive!  Good for him!"

The fans in Washington booed Batista when he came out to start (and incidentally, he pitched quite well- 5 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 0 R.)  Batista said he understood why the fans were booing.

"Imagine you go to the Miss Universe contest, and you end up with Miss Iowa."

Hilarious!  This got me thinking, what does Miss Iowa look like?  As it turns out, Miss Iowa 2009 looks like this:

























I guess the comparison works out because Batista pitched so well.  However, I'm sure he meant that Miss Iowa wasn't hot, which as it turns out, she's smokin' hot. 

- Mrs. B. and I go to Wal-Mart ever so often.  It's not our favorite place to shop, but it's definitely true that you can find good deals on many products.  The biggest problem with Wal-Mart are the other customers there.  You run into too many crazy people there.  Each time I go there I'm reminded why I don't like going there.

Take last night- I needed cat litter (Wal-Mart carries the Scoop Away brand which is the best brand of cat litter), shaving cream, and conditioner.  The trip took all of 5 minutes.  On the way in, there was an odd looking Mexican guy lurking in the parking lot.  I took notice, but didn't worry too much because the shopping trip was going to be so quick.  I didn't think he would want anything in my car besides the $0.34 sitting below the center console. 

Mrs. B. and I went in, got all the products and were out.  We were home free.  When we got back to the car, the Mexican guy was still there.  He asked us if we wanted tamales.  I'm not sure I even answered him, just brushed past.  Dude, you have no tamale cart.  You have nothing that indicates you have a safe place to store tamales.  If we said yes, were we going to have to drive to your tamale dungeon?  It was confusing.  So I tried to load up the car as quickly as possible to get out of there.

At that moment, an older gentleman comes up and says, "That's the best cat litter isn't it?!"

He was really excited about it, so I reply, "Hell yes!"

Then he elaborates, "We just got two brand new kittens!"

So I turn it down (because I realize I shouldn't be feeding into this excitement.)  "Yeah, make sure you use Scoop Away." 

"Don't worry, I have a huge box of it!"

Good thing, too.  I was totally worried about a perfect stranger reporting to me their cat litter situation.  Mrs. B. and I got in the car, and I'm fairly sure I screeched my tires getting out of there.

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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Case of the Mondays: Tuesday Edition

I'm finally on vacation and here's a quick wrap up of my weekend:

- Friday night I saw "Inception."  In my opinion, it was one of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time.  I know there has already been blow-back from people saying it's "the best movie ever" or that it is "life changing" etc., etc.  I could care less about superlatives, but I do think that this movie was an experience that is worth enjoying.  Could you nitpick and tear the movie apart?  Sure, but you can do that with any movie.  I highly recommend it, and might review it later, but it's impossible to review without spoilers so I'll give it a little longer before talking about the movie in a more in depth fashion. 

- Saturday I had quite an odd day.  I woke up and cleaned and did laundry.  While getting some of this stuff done, I neglected to eat enough, and I've learned that this really affects me.  When my blood sugar goes down, my brain turns to mush and I get angry.  I ended up taking a nap on accident.  Upon waking up, I was not feeling that great, but I had to drive to Walnut Creek to play a show.  On the way, I stopped at Wendy's and got a grilled chicken sandwich- which helped immensely. 

Pyarmid in Walnut Creek had called me to let me know they had a fundraiser going on the patio (where I normally play) and that I'd be starting a little late.  Upon arriving, the hipster/rockabilly band took their sweet time cleaning up, so I ended up starting closer to 8pm (rather than 7pm.)  I think I played ok, but it just felt off.  It's like when you play basketball and you're off your game, so you have to scrap for rebounds, get put backs, and play great defense rather than rely on your jumper.  You can still play well, but it takes more effort than usual. 

Sunday I went over to our friends' house for an impromptu pool party.  I was on an inflatable raft in their pool for over an hour.  Amazingly, I am not sunburned today.  It was a great time. 

So maybe not the most exciting weekend, but at least I made it through to my vacation.  I'll be going to the Peppermill for a little poker trip on Thursday, so I'll make sure to report on that.  Have a fantastic Tuesday.

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Case of the Mondays

I'm supposed to be on vacation. 

I'm currently at day job work (not some cool type of work that involves being in a studio or on stage.) 

That's all you need to know for right now. 

I'll try to get in a make up post later.  In the meantime, listen to "In The Meantime" by Spacehog.  Don't be tricked though.  Pass on the rest of the album. 

Friday, July 23, 2010

Friday... Ugh

















(Yes, that's "The Situation" in the center.  From the Yahoo TV Blog.) 

It's been a busy week folks.  I had band practice Tuesday, a rigorous workout Wednesday, band practice Thursday, hopefully going to see Inception tonight (crosses fingers), and I'm playing Saturday night at the Pyramid in Walnut Creek.  Good news, I had to fill in on electric guitar at band practice last night- and it wasn't terrible.  We even played "Ace of Spaces" with me on lead guitar and vocals!  Crazy stuff...

Seriously though- I got nothing today.  I'm spent.  I mean, at least the picture of "The Situation" is pretty funny, but other than that- nothing.  I plan on putting in all my effort on my upcoming album release.  I'm hoping the blog doesn't suffer because of it, but this is something I have to do.  You never know though, it may make the blog better.  We'll see.

For today though, you get a mail in post- much apologies.  Have a great weekend.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thank You Notes

















I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Aramis Ramirez,

Thank you for waiting until the Cubs' season was completely lost before going on a HR tear reminiscent of Sammy Sosa on steroids.  I mean, it's not like the Cubs needed hits and runs earlier in the season.  Being a consistent 10 games under .500 is exactly where where we want to be- time to make our move. 

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear Lou Pinella,

Thank you for retiring before the Cubs re-sign you, wear your soul out even further, then inevitably kill you.  The "Curse of Lou Pinella" will hopefully be avoided by your spirit not being crushed under the weight of Wrigley Field expectations.  If I am ever able, I'll buy you an Old Style. 

Sympatheticly,
Tony

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Dear Ryne Sandberg,

Thank you for immediately hitting all media outlets to campaign for the managerial job opening that the Cubs are about to have.  I mean, why allow the Cubs to even make a decision?  Force them to hire you!  In all seriousness, I have no idea if Ryno will be a good manager, but having my favorite player of all time being the manager can't be all that bad. 

Optomistically,
Tony B.

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Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Thank you for going to prison.  The roads of Southern California a little safer for the next 13-29 days.  I do realize that Red Bull has already lost 20% of it's usual profits, but I'm sure you'll help them regain any losses when you get out. 

On lock,
Tony B.

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Dear Bacon Club Chalupa Commercial,

Thank you for giving the impression that attractive women are not good enough to get guys at a bar- they, in fact, need to throw odd taco concoctions that include bacon into their purse.  Makes total sense to me and every other guy who enjoys diarrhea. 

We's hungry,
Tony B.

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Dear Step Up Movie Series,

Thank you for making it to your third installment.  I can't tell you any one person who has seen "Step Up" or "Step Up 2: The Streets."  This includes Mrs. B. who loves watching people dance, but has the good enough sense to stay away from these flaming brown bag piece of crap movies.  How on Earth you got a third movie (in 3D!) I'll never know. 

Befuddled,
Tony B.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Review: "Intriguer" by Crowded House





















In a "No Contest" decision, Crowded House is my favorite band that is still currently putting out music and touring. I have been excited to get my mitts on this record for awhile, and I've finally been able to give it a listen multiple times over. So how does it stack up against the rest of their catalog or against other artists? Great question.

The background to this album goes back a few years. Band leader Neil Finn reformed Crowded House in 2006/2007 after being defunct for 10 years. Original drummer Paul Hester committed suicide in 2005, and this deeply affected all the former members of the band. I'm not sure if this was a main or contributing factor to the band re-forming, but it is a tragedy to see a father, husband, and band-mate take his own life and I can see that providing motivation to make music with mutual friends of the deceased.

Without Hester, they found Matt Sherrod to take over the beat section (Sherrod previously played with Beck.) With original members Finn and Nick Seymour (bass), along with long time member and multi-instrumentalist Mark Hart, Crowded House was back in business. They released "Time On Earth" in 2007 to well received reviews. The only issue with this album was that it was a collection of songs that more than likely would've been a Neil Finn solo album had the band not re-formed.

When I saw them in May of 2008 in San Francisco they unleashed a slew of new songs and it was obvious that the band was seething with creativity. It was also obvious that they were excited about the new songs they were producing- the looks on their faces said it all. They were experiencing a creative boom.

And this is how "Intriguer" was made. It's a return to "band" form for Crowded House. When asked to describe the album in three words, Neil Finn said, "Band moving forward."

So does that translate into their best material to date? Not necessarily. As a massive fan, it is difficult to have a new album immediately leap-frog classic albums like "Temple of Low Men," "Woodface," or "Together Alone." However, many of the songs do fit right in with the greatness of their previous catalog.

The album opens with "Saturday Sun." This song is a rocking 3-and-a-half minute single that gets the album started right. I've grown to like this song a lot. The only jarring thing about this song, initially, was the slightly synthesized vocals during the verse. It's subtle, but it's bordering on "robot voice" which isn't really a good thing. However, the effect is subtle enough to not ruin the song.

"Archer's Arrows" slows the tempo slightly from the end of "Saturday Sun" but it is a welcome breather from the openers upbeat pace. The second track does pick up the pace about a minute in to break into a signature Neil Finn chorus.

"Amsterdam" is a song that starts with vocals, drums, and a breezy sample laid in the background. The opening lines are a little odd (though CH succeeds with odd lyrics throughout their catalog, it is not quite as successful during the opening of this song.) I do love the electric guitar that transitions lines in the verses (it sounds like a minor 7th chord- love those!) Overall, good song, but not a stand out track.

"Either Side of the World" is one of the songs I had heard at the Fillmore SF in 2008. They've put a different beat behind the song (I think it's a samba) and they pull it off with great effect. Neil Finn's falsetto vocals in the chorus can turn a cloudy day bright.

"Falling Dove" is an interesting track that starts off calm with major tones, but works its way into a minor riff that walks its way down the neck. "You keep defending me, while I'm behaving badly, because you love me, because you love me too much." Great line, and executed perfectly within the context of the song.

"Isolation" was a song I was highly impressed by during the 2008 show. They've slowed it down quite a bit (from what I remember) and Neil's wife, Sharon, sings the second verse. Let's just say I appreciate the effort of getting his wife involved, but overall, I would prefer to have Neil do the singing. The jam at the end of this song when the tempo picks up is great! Any sour feelings I have from the slower tempo are eradicated by the end of the song. (I also hear some Wilco influence on some of the guitar riffs in the middle of the song.)

"Twice If You're Lucky" is by far the catchiest song on the album. Instantly it was my favorite on the album, and I have to say it still is. This song holds its own against any of the classic Crowded House songs of years past. I highly recommend this song to any casual listener of rock/pop.

"Inside Out" is an interesting song crafted by Finn and Co. The streaming lyrics on the third line of the verses is not something you typically see from a Neil Finn crafted song, but it works well. This is the last upbeat song of the album, and it barely takes a breath during its entire 3:19.

"Even If" is another song that starts with bare bones instrumentation. Piano and drums only to kick it off. It begins the 1-2 punch of somber songs at the end of the record. Like many of Finn's songs, the payoff is in the chorus (starts at 1:22).

"Elephants" is one of my favorite songs on the record. I'm can't be sure on this, but it does seem to own some emotional influence from Hester's suicide within the lyrics. Another fine stand out line from this album comes at the end of the chorus- "Sweet dreams, make waves, find bliss."

Is this my favorite Crowded House album ever? No. Does it have some of my favorite songs ever? Yes. It has a darker feel to it, and for whatever reason reminds me of Neil Finn's "One Nil" album more than anything Crowded House has done previously (which is ironic given the previous idea of it being more of a "band" record.)

I highly recommend this album to anyone who likes anything in Neil Finn's previously catalog, Wilco, the Beatles, the Smiths, or any other rock/pop artists that can craft an outstanding song. It's better than 99% of the music put out nowadays, so it might a good idea to check it out.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Michael Jordan vs. LeBron

I'm not sure if it's the first anonymous person to call me a dick, but I'd first like to let everyone know how happy I am about the commenter yesterday who said, "Wow you sound like a huge dick." I didn't realize my tame blog would ever turn me into the next Tucker Max, but apparently a story of me going to a public party that we actually bought tickets for, that I didn't even buy myself, and making fun of dumb panda hats makes me sound like a huge dick. I shudder to think what the anonymous commenter would do if they found their way to G$'s site, but I'm guessing it would be similar to Ace Ventura's shower after Ace finds out that Finkle is Einhorn:



Anyway, Michael Jordan came out with some interesting comments recently, and I think they're worth taking a look at. From ESPN.com:

"There's no way, with hindsight, I would've ever called up Larry [Bird], called up Magic [Johnson] and said, 'Hey, look, let's get together and play on one team,'" Jordan said after playing in a celebrity golf tournament in Nevada. The interview aired on the NBC telecast of the event. "But that's ... things are different. I can't say that's a bad thing. It's an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys."

Of course, everyone has an opinion about what Jordan said. Some say he's being a jerk because he didn't need to leave Chicago- Chicago brought pieces to him that won championships. Furthermore, I think D. Wade can be justifiably in the discussion when comparing the Heat 3:16 to Jordan, Magic and Bird, but in no way does Chris Bosh even come close. Jordan, Magic, and Bird were ALWAYS on winning teams. All of them had good rosters around them, but even with injuries, or other issues, none of those players allowed their teams to be mediocre. Chris Bosh's Toronto Raptors were nothing but mediocre during his tenure there- and they have had some decent rosters throughout the years. Bosh was never a player who could put a team on his back and will them to the playoffs- Bird, Magic and Jordan could.

Other people will say that Jordan is completely right. Jordan owned his legacy in Chicago because he stayed in Chicago as the "alpha dog" (I hate that term, but it works in this situation.) Jordan was so great, that he played with other great players yet no one ever questioned who the best player on the team (or in the league) was. Scottie Pippen is considered one of the "NBA's 50 Greatest Players" yet he was second fiddle to Jordan during their entire time as teammates in Chicago. No one questions that. You may try to make an argument that Jordan could not have won without Pippen, but you cannot argue that Jordan wasn't the leader of the team.

This may be another example of people over-analyzing an athlete's quotes. We're so concerned with having an opinion, that we sometimes forget that there is gray area in the middle. Jordan is competitive. He is still the same competitive guy that won 6 championships for the Bulls. The same guy that has lost thousands (millions?) of dollars gambling. He's the same guy that loves golf, thought he could make the Wizards great, and thought he could become a professional baseball player. Now that Jordan can't play basketball in the NBA anymore, he owns a team. He wants to compete any way he can and his comments are stemming from that. He wants to make sure everyone knows that LeBron took the easy way out. I'm not even sure he cares outwardly what everyone thinks, but inside, he believes that LeBron's move to the Heat instantly eliminated LeBron from contention of Jordan's title of "Greatest Player Ever." (There's this other guy named Kobe who has the best argument these days- though I'll take Jordan any day over Kobe.)

Jordan was good enough to stay right where he was on his own territory and let great players flock to him. Dennis Rodman, Ron Harper and Steve Kerr specifically came to play with Jordan during the latter three-peat. Players came to Jordan. Players knew that teaming with Jordan's Bulls was the easiest way to win rings.

With LeBron leaving Cleveland for Miami, he went from a place where he was the main guy to a team where Dwyane Wade has ALREADY won a championship. No matter how many championships this three-headed evil monster wins, Wade will always have one more than LeBron. For someone who wanted to be a global icon and better than Jordan, LeBron sure took an easy way out. He's now the Scottie Pippen to D. Wade's Jordan.

LBJ may end up being one of the "50 Greatest Players" when they revise the list, but he will never touch Jordan in legacy, competitiveness, or killer instinct. No amount of Heat championships or slightly vague or cocky comments by Michael Jordan can change that. Jordan is greater than LeBron, and LeBron cemented that fact by "taking his talents to Souf Beach." I believe that Jordan's comments this past weekend shows that Jordan knows his legacy is safe from LeBron's run with the Heat.

Monday, July 19, 2010

A Case of the Mondays: Tim Lincecum Bobblehead Edition

My weekend was pretty excellent. On Friday I played at the Boxing Donkey in Roseville and that went swimmingly, as usual. For the first time, I used my computer instead of music stand and binder to help me out with some of the lyrics (c'mon- memorizing 200 songs worth of lyrics would be too much of a task to handle without quitting my job and deciding that lyric memorization was my full time job.) It seemed to work out. Since I got a foot pedal for live band karaoke that clicks to the next page, I'm able to use my computer for solo shows as well.

Saturday morning, I woke up at 6:45 to drive my car to the service center. Upon arriving at 7:45- I was fourth in line. Don't you other people have anything better to do on a Saturday morning? I guess I'm being hypocritical because I had nothing better to do either, but when I show up at a service center at 7:45am, I suppose my expectation is to be first.

All of this is moot because it didn't take all that long to get my car serviced. I was back at home and getting ready to go to my first baseball game of the year (in July, that's just embarrassing.) We were going for our friend Mark's bachelor party (he's getting married in a month.)

The big story of the day in San Francisco is that the Giants were giving away Tim Lincecum bobbleheads at the game. Apparently people were lining up at 7am for this giveaway. Now, if my math is correct, AT&T holds around 40,000 people. They were giving away 20,000 bobbleheads. This means there is no way in hell that anyone in their right mind would need to line up at 7am to get one of these finely crafted pieces of plastic.

My friend Brandon (yes, the same one who I recently made a fantasy baseball blockbuster trade with) and I arrived around 2:45pm and saw a line going all the way down the Embarcadero. We thought it was hilarious how silly people were being about these things. We headed to the Public House (pub that is literally attached to AT&T Park) to drink beer. This was a much better decision. Mark had already drank a bunch when we arrived and he was sporting an orange panda hat that the other guys purchased for him. Panda hats are so dumb looking- which was perfect! If nothing else, it was a great conversation starter.

After I had gotten through a couple Miller High Lifes, we decided it was time to head inside. Some of our group decided to see if any bobbleheads were still available, and I went to another entrance without caring about receiving the "collectible" item. We had other business to attend to anyway as the guy who bought the tickets signed us up for the "University of Arizona Alumni Party." This entitled us to a pre-game reception, a Jennie Finch bobblehead, and a free beer. I'm fairly certain we stuck out like a sore thumb (I even had my UC Davis sweatshirt with me) but whatever. The free beer alone was worth going in.

Things got interesting when they announced they were giving out a "limited amount" of Lincecum bobbleheads. After trying all day to NOT get a bobblehead, I finally caved in. All I had to do was wait in a small line, and upon getting to the front they guy asked me if I was Arizona alumni. I said, "Of course." Then he said, "What city is the University in?" I kind of laughed at him and said, "Tuscon." Dude, you're going to have to try and do better than that. I understand this probably stumped a few people, but those people were just dumb. They did in fact get harder as one of my friends got stumped on the area code/zip code. Don't worry though, he eventually got one anyway.

I was even recognized by one of my other friends who came with his wife (who is an UA alum) and he said, "What are you doing here?" I really had no good reason for being there, but then again UA should have figured out a way to not allow the general public to buy tickets.

Moral of the story: People lined up as early as 7am to get a stupid bobblehead that I tried to NOT get, yet I still managed to walk away with it despite my best efforts. I feel sorry for the poor schmucks who thought it was a good idea to wait all day. PS: Here is the EBay page for the bobbleheads. Not even close to worth selling it because, get this- there are 20,000 of them!!! Probably more. I have a feeling they overproduce those things.

The Giants killed the Mets. We actually left and went to Pete's Tavern across the street during the 6th inning. I was finally able to score some garlic fries there, which made me extremely happy.

There are probably a few more stories, but I don't have a great grasp on some of the drunk things Mark was saying to the Arizona alumni that ended up sitting around us. I do know that he kept the panda hat on for the entire game and at Pete's, so that worked out well. Sandoval even hit well that game, so maybe it's a good luck charm.

Got any good bobblehead stories? Think it is dumb for people to wait in line for something they could've shown up drunk at 5pm to get? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Friday Hangover

Like I've previously stated, Fridays after LBK are not my best blogging days. I'm obviously not hungover today, but I always suffer from lack of sleep. Quick highlights from last night:

- My new computer set up is working quite well. For whatever reason our band had never played "Wonderwall" correctly (it pains me to say that as I'm probably qualified to start an Oasis cover band, but I digress.) I put the correct lyrics with the correct chords on the monitor, and all of a sudden we played the song better than ever. It was a nice validation to me for all the time (and money) I spent on formatting and re-typing all the lyrics and chords for each song in the LBK catalog.

- Played both "Ace of Spades" and "Mother" last night which was awesome. I overly enjoy playing these songs because I'm normally playing solo acoustic shows that don't allow me to rock out like that. It's a welcome change of pace.

- Mrs. B. is quite possibly the only person I've ever seen perform a successful karaoke version of "Bust A Move" by Young MC. To the people who gave it a go last night- you may want to keep practicing. That song is for professionals ONLY. You can't fake the funk on that tune.

- Our version of "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand is actually pretty decent. I really like playing that song.

- Recently, a guy named Ward has been killing it at LBK. I've dubbed him the "LeBron James" of our Live Band Karaoke. I'm just hoping he doesn't end up leaving us for another Live Band Karaoke spot!

Another fun night! If you haven't come out- then you should! Soon! Like, maybe the first Thursday in August? Do it!

I'm going to the Giants game tomorrow. My first baseball game of the year in July? What a jerk I am! See you on Monday with a full report.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Setlist: Naked Lounge July 14, 2010

This is the set from my show at the Naked Lounge:

As You Wish
Astronomy
Neon Sign
Shallow Water Blackout
Saturday Boy
50 Stories
This Time Around
Kids Playing Guns In The Street
You're Not Just Another Girl
Second Rate Song

Thanks to everyone who came out! They have a pretty cool little venue there, so hopefully I'll be back soon!

Thank You Notes















I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Blockbuster Fantasy Baseball Trade,

Thank you for making my interest in fantasy baseball go back up. After realizing that my 4-10 team will not make the playoffs, I took a gamble and made a blockbuster trade:

I traded Kevin Youklis, Dan Uggla, Matt Holliday and Rafael Furcal FOR Chase Utley, Justin Morneau, CJ Wilson, and Miguel Tejada. My reasoning here is that Utley and Morneau will be savages once their respective injuries have healed. I'm not keeping either of the other guys, and I gave up two keepers to get them (Holliday, who is streaky, and Youklis, who is ugly.) This helps the team getting my players because it upgrades him at every position and gets his team immediately healthier. Best case scenario, he wins the championship and my keepers are savage next year. Offensively, I'm keeping a Cather (Mauer), First Baseman (Morneau), and Second Baseman (Utley.) That is pretty sweet.

Now to find a pitching ace,
Tony B.

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Dear Big Ben,

Thank you for only urinating when you recently whipped it out on a golf course. True, thousands of men pee on golf courses every day, but there is only one or two Super Bowl MVPs who have been accused of raping someone a couple people. Keep your pants on, son!

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear Naked Lounge,

Thank you for a really fun show last night. As a first timer to your venue, I really enjoyed myself. I mean, it also saved me from being lazy last night and watching the ESPYs, so that is positive as well.

Best,
Tony B.

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Dear Doug Stanhope,

Thank you for this blog post. (Parental Advisory, explicit content on that blog!) I'm not a huge fan of your comedy nor did I ever want to take a "comedy bootcamp," but I really enjoyed your seething perspective on people who would run such a ridiculous scam. Louie Anderson must have eaten his way through his money from Family Feud. I do not thank you for the black background and white text that makes my eyes look like D-Bo from Friday. Excellent post, though.

Regards,
Tony B.

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Dear Double Rainbow Guy,

I don't even know what to thank you for... I guess thank you for being high and owning a camera?



Congrats! You're a YouTube star for potentially climaxing over a rainbow.

So intense,
Tony B.

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Dear ESPN,

Thank you for waiting exactly a week after "The Decision" by LeBron to get back to the real story that everyone is waiting for- will Brett Favre come back this year?

Kill me now,
Tony B.

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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"Be The High Roller" Contest

If you read this blog ever, you know that my favorite casino is the Peppermill in Reno. I taken my wife there for her birthday. I had my bachelor party there. I go up every few months because it's a great time. Well now they are having a contest called "Be The High Roller" where you can win a vacation where you stay in their nicest suite, get VIP access to clubs and restaurants and pretty much get to live life exactly like Ric Flair:



So I've decided to throw my hat in the ring and see if I can win this thing. To start, CLICK HERE TO SEE MY PROFILE. When you go there, please click the button in the lower right corner that says "Like this Profile."

Next, view my video. I've included it here for your convenience:



As you can see I've spoofed the Dos Equis commercials and LeBron James' decision to bolt for the Miami Heat. I'm not sure what the next move is, but feel free to suggest ideas for my next video that are do-able (I wanted to spoof the new "Old Spice Guy" commercials but unfortunately I don't have a special effects budget.)

I'm not sure how seriously I took this at the start, but now that I have a couple clips that I feel are decent, I'm looking to keep going. I'm even going up to the Peppermill in a couple weeks, so maybe I can work the casino in to another video. I guess we'll see, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy the video.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Review: Predators


















Adrien Brody in Predators. Photograph: Rico Torres/AP

As much as I enjoy the first "Predator," the rest of the series has been sub-par. "Predator 2" with Riggs- I mean Danny "I'm too old for this shit" Glover was an odd entry pitting the Predator in downtown LA. I'm not sure I really need to address "Alien Vs. Predator" or the sequel to that unfortunate entry (though I did recently watch parts of both on FX- damn you FX!)

"Predators" is an entertaining movie going experience. If you ask me- "Is the movie good?" I would say "No." However, if you ask me, "Do people get shanked, blown up, or killed in a fashion close to Sub-Zero's original Mortal Kombat fatality?" I would say, "Hell yes!"

The plot is simple. A group of humans are dropped into a jungle that they soon realize is on another planet. It happens to be a game preserve for the Predators to hunt. Adrien Brody leads the way as the hardened ex-military officer who doesn't want to give out any information about himself other than the fact that he talks in a deeper voice than every other part he's ever had (a la Christian Bale while in his Batman costume.)

From there, they are hunted by the Predators. They gather pieces of info along the way to help themselves out, and they even run into a crazy Cowboy Curtis (Lawrence Fishburne)! All of this culminates a final action sequence with some twists that are not necessarily obvious, but they're not terribly "Sixth Sense"-ish either. The sequence helps qualify this movie as a true and worthy sequel to the original "Predator." They even mention the Governator's character Dutch and pay homage to one of the most famous lines from the original. It was a great touch without being excessively cheesy.

Is this a great movie? No. But is it worth your money for a summer action movie? I guess that depends on if you like action movies. I felt like I got my $9.25 worth (yeah, I used my old student ID for a discount- no shame in that!) I give it the thumbs up and recommend "Predators" to anyone looking for a pretty decent summer action flick.

Monday, July 12, 2010

A Case of the Mondays

This weekend found me playing not one, but two shows in my hometown of Walnut Creek. On Friday, I bolted from work at 5pm and immediately drove to the Dub-C. As per usual I played 4 hours of music at the Pyramid Alehouse.

I stayed at my Mom's house that evening because driving back to Sacramento would've been a dumb waste of money (gas and bridge toll.) After magically managing to sleep in until 11:30, I eventually headed to the gym.

I ran into my former high school teammate Alex who is now an airline pilot. The conversation inevitably went toward LeBron James (this seems to be a common theme throughout the weekend.) He's excited to see what the team can do together. I still say I hate them and will cheer against them in every single situation. PS: Did you see that the Bulls picked up Kyle Korver? They also put an offer sheet to J.J. Reddick... I hear it will be raining threes in Chicago come October/November.

Eventually I got ready for show number two and went back over to the Pyramid. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up getting scheduled for double-duty this weekend, but it's all about paying the bills, so I'm not complaining.

While I was loading in I ran into power couple Dan and Lisa B. I lived with Dan for two years in college, so it was great to catch up a bit. They were making a quick trip to the ATM because they were going to Vegas the next day. I imagine they are there right now. Hopefully they win and do not have to sell Dan into prostitution- he's only done it two other times, and I'm told he did not enjoy it- for the most part.

Half of the patio was cut off for a private event which ended up being the De La Salle/Carondelet 15 year high school reunion. My good friend's sister happened to be in that class, so I ran into her, her fiance, her parents, and a few of her friends that I've gotten to know over the years. I was extremely nice to have such enthusiasm at my shows. Their singing-a-long during "Rich Girl" was second to none!

After the show it was back to Sacramento. Total music played from Thursday - Saturday = 10 hours. So much fun, but I'm tired just thinking about it.

Yes I watched the World Cup final. I wouldn't categorize it as boring because it held my attention, but watching players explode at the ref each time he called anything was getting really old. Not every free kick given is life or death guys- calm yourselves!

Then it was off to Mrs. B.'s Mom's house to visit with relatives. I know what you're thinking- Tony, why even recap this weekend? Nothing exciting happened!

I agree, this was not one of my most fascinating weekends, but what else am I going write about? Jesse Jackson calling Dan Gilbert a slave master? Hardly. That story deserves less ink than it has already received.

If you want me to have a more exciting weekend to write about, then go TO THIS WEBSITE AND IN THE LOWER RIGHT CORNER CLICK "LIKE THIS PROFILE." It's a contest through my favorite casino, The Peppermill in Reno, to be their "High Roller." I'm fairly certain I get to use their private jet if I win, so I need as much support as possible. Upon winning, I'd get to stay in the nicest suite and make ridiculous prop bets on Craps without feeling bad about losing my rent money. It sounds like a great experience, so hook me up with your support!

Friday, July 9, 2010

LeBromination

First, thank you to all the folks who came out last night. I had a lot of fun playing at Fox & Goose. Thank you to David Wallace of Automatic Rival for opening- great job man!

As much as I'd love to talk about my show and my music career, there's clearly only one option for me to post about today that would be relevant to the sporting landscape as well as our modern times- the possible comeback by Mark Prior.

Alright, so maybe that wasn't the story I was talking about. LeBron James made his "decision" to "take [his] talents to South Beach..." What a douche. His "brand" was NOT helped by that mockery of an ESPN special. His decision would've been destructive for Cleveland either way, but to "break-up" with them via a self-promoting nationally televised program based around you? Now that is sinking to new depths of egomania.

I mean really, let's say a rich celebrity/athlete (maybe Tiger Woods?) was cheating on his wife (hypothetically, of course.) If he went on national television to apologize about his behavior, the media more than likely would still put him through the grinder for not being genuine enough.

Now imagine if that same celebrity instead went on national television and said, "Oh wow, this is hard to do... my future is to screw a particular Hooters' girl in Miami. I don't look at this like my wife and kids are lacking, but when you get an opportunity f*** a fine-ass Hooters girl in Miami, you have to go there and give it all you got."

I'm guessing that wouldn't go over very well. And yet, that's pretty much what LeBron did to the city of Cleveland. A public break-up with his wife and kids. Hence the burning of the 23 James' jerseys...

Let's keep it real. I'm a Bulls fan to the core. I remember when Jordan had a hard time getting past the Pistons earlier in his career. I remember jumping up and down in my house in celebration when Jordan hit "the shot" over Craig Ehlo. I remember when John Paxon hit a clutch shot to assure the Bulls of their first championship. I could go on. The point is, I am a big Chicago sports fan (besides those damn White Sox.) Did I want LeBron to pick the Bulls? Of course. I'd be an idiot not to. However, now that I see the shenanigans the so-called "King" put the Cavs through only to bolt from his hometown and form a super group that apparently needs some rec-players to fill the rest of the roster- I'm kind of glad James did not go to Chicago. That's how sour I am him based on that charade from last night. I would rather have my team not get better because I don't want Underbite McGoo on my team.

I also feel terrible for the city of Cleveland. I can't see them selling out their building any longer. This will ultimately affect the area around the arena. With less people going to the arena, that means less people eating and drinking before and after games. It means less merchandise sold. I'm not sure it's LeBron's responsibility to help Cleveland economically, but it does make his "decision" that much more selfish. He has to know he's wrecking one of his (close to) hometown's hopes for financial stability.

After typing this, I am actually more mad than anything else. I can't believe we allowed ourselves to be held hostage for a week (I mean years) by this egomaniac. That is the best possible word to describe him. I literally had no problem with James previously, and D. Wade was one of my favorite players (Chris Bosh was always worse than I expected anytime I watched a game.) I now hate them all. A lot. That is my natural fan gut reaction. Hate. I love that you can re-arrange "HEAT" to be "HATE." It's too perfect.

Guess who feels best today? Kobe Bryant. He has five rings and everyone just forgot about him allegedly raping that girl in Colorado. The most recent raping in the NBA took place on TV for everyone to see. LeBron raped the city of Cleveland with some fake emotional a few chuckles.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Thank You Notes














I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear SF Giants Ball Dudes,

Thank you for providing such entertainment during Giants' games. I'm 100% certain it's not safe for old men in their 70s to be shagging sharply hit foul grounders at Major League Baseball games, but it's at least worth a laugh here and there. Much like my belief that someone would eventually get hurt by the way baseball teams celebrate walk-off home runs (Kendry Morales), I believe that a ball dude has it coming. If not on the next home stand, sometime soon.

Concerned,
Tony B.

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Dear Doug Melvin,

Thank you for your optimism. When asked if the Brewers will become sellers, you said something like this, "I'm really not sure. I like the way our team is built. I think we can still be good." Ya know, I feel the exact same way about my fantasy baseball team- I'm having a hard time accepting the reality that my team is done for the year. The difference is that you are a GM for a real team and I'm playing fantasy baseball.

With sympathy,
Tony B.

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Dear G$,

Thank you for being psychic. Your prediction of Carlos Boozer and his back-ne coming to the Bulls was right on. I can only hope that LeBron picks the Bulls for me to have any kind of a comeback, but it looks like he's going to the Heat where both of our teams will be screwed (or at least not championship contenders.) Just don't become a topless psychic at the flea market like that chick in Mall-Rats.

West is best,
Tony B.

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Dear LOST,

Thank you for going off the air. I mean, now that you're gone, I've resorted to watching such quality programs as "The Bachellorette" and "True Beauty." I do so with such bored indifference that I'm beginning to scare myself. I don't know what will replace you, but if Dexter could come back sooner rather than later- that might actually save me from this muck of reality television.

Terrified,
Tony B.

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Dear Prince (my keyboard can't make your dumb symbol),

Thank you for your recent announcement that "the internet is over." Your refusal to put your music on iTunes or any other online store is so damn progressive I can't even stand it. Why would you want to make any money at all off of people who are honest enough to buy music over the internet? You're practically forcing your fans to find your music elsewhere and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they ain't going to be payin' for it. I guess the best part is that I can say, "Hey, my new album is on iTunes- you can't even find Prince's new stuff there!" Being better than Prince is not as cool as it sounds.

Game- blouses,
Tony B.

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Dear MLB Players,

Thank you for being so concerned with your swings that it's actually hard to find players to participate in the Home Run Derby. Did Ernie Banks (and many others) have a hard time when he went on to the old Home Run Derby show? Nope. And why? Because he was a great hitter. If it gets in your head and you lose your swing for the rest of the year, you're just not that good. PS: NBA players- you guys need to grow up as well and participate in the slam dunk contest. If Nate Robinson wins again, you all should kill yourselves.

Best,
Tony B.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Get To The Choppa!

The next installment of the "Predator" franchise is coming, and while I don't have high hopes for the new movie, that doesn't mean we can't look back on what could be our fine state's governor's greatest moment ever.

The original moment for your reference:



And now a song written by Austrian Death March about this famed moment that lives on despite its age:



Yeah, that was intense. Is this even better, perhaps?



Arnold saying "Do it" over and over and that being made into a Nike commercial? Ingenious! It's amazing that Jean Claude Van Damme isn't a governor by now! You'd figure he could have the same type of popularity as the Governator.

My point of all this is to remind everyone that no matter how much new movies suck, you can always go back and watch the originals that didn't suck (or were at least highly entertaining and possibly unintentionally funny.) Go ahead, watch Predator. DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

All Star Outrage

It's always interesting when people get so up in arms about teams or brackets that are picked subjectively. The NCAA basketball tournament sparks a similar debate each year as the All Star Rosters in baseball. Before going further, let's get a few things straight:

- It's impossible to make everyone happy. Just like any musician that puts out a popular album, the results are polarizing. It inevitably gets overplayed/overhyped and many people get sick of it. In a similar fashion, the All Star team will be full of guys who are currently good, used to be good, and are overhyped but might be good in the future.

- People need to be realistic. Not every team deserves an All Star, yet they all get one. If the team you root for is extra terrible, don't try to make an argument that some terrible player with half decent stats deserves to be on the team. Pirates fans, I have no idea who Evan Meek is, but please can we not have any more middle relievers on the team? Please? If a pitchers is great, they are a starter. If they are great, but prone to injury, they are a closer. And if they are barely good enough to be in the Major League, they are a middle reliever. They don't deserve to be on the All Star team, even with a freakish ERA.

- Most the time, the fans aren't really to blame for omissions. The fans typically vote in the best players, with a few nostalgic picks occasionally rearing their ugly head. But if the fans vote for Albert Pujols to be the 1B on the NL team, that is a perfectly good decision. Joey Votto deserves to be on the team, and just because his stats are a little better at this point, there is no one in their right mind who would pick him over Pujols if they were choosing a team. That's just dumb. It's up to the All Star manager to get it right- and in this case you're dealing with a hayseed-old-schooler who doesn't understand the concept of looking at a camera directly during an interview on TBS. Hey Charlie Manuel, it's called technology, get with it buddy.

Overall, I don't have any problem with the starting position players of either team. If I was putting a team out there, I'd probably take Brian McCann over the third Molina brother, but that's a minimal complaint. Now, Martin Prado is replacing Chase Utley in the starting lineup, which is a bit odd because even though he has a great average, I still don't believe this guy is actually good. I'd rather have Brandon Phillips as the starting replacement. Again, I'm nitpicking.

It's also interesting to note how much more dangerous the AL lineup looks versus the NL lineup. I'd like to see the NL win an All Star game sometime in the next 50 years, but they way it's going it's not looking good. It is good that the NL pitching is quite dominant with Ubaldo, Josh Johnson, Halladay, Wainwright, Carpenter, and Lincecum. I do think Matt Cain deserves a spot in there with those guys, but I'm not going to complain too much. Also, if you needed a guy for an inning against Mauer, Morneau, Jeter, and Longoria would you rather have Matt Capps or Stephen Stasburg? I'm not saying Strasburg deserves a spot on the All Star team six starts in, but if Matt Capps is the Nationals' All Star representative, he should at least be the best pitcher on his own team.

The All Star game is typically a fun game to watch, and worrying about whether one guy gets on the team is pretty insane. Let's be honest, with all the injuries they'll probably get added with or without winning the last chance vote by the fans (which Votto is winning by a lot right now.) Just enjoy the festivities and feel free to mute the TV during the Home Run Derby. Your ears do not need to be subjected to Chris Berman. Ever.

Monday, July 5, 2010

A Case of the Mondays: Indepedence Edition

I have the day off today, and it's fantastic. I need the time after last night! Let's get to the highlights of the weekend:

- Friday night, Mrs. B. and I got crazy and bought Lego Rockband for $20. She definitely rocks on the video game drums. She even took over lead vocals on "Crocodile Rock" which was impressive. I like these games because a) they are fun to play, in general and b) it can give me ideas of songs for Live Band Karaoke. Currently, I'm thinking we need to add some David Bowie... we'll see I guess.

- Saturday morning I played at the Vacaville Farmer's Market. As usual, it was a lot of fun. I made more of an effort to play original songs. I think I played an hour and fifteen minutes of originals and forty-five minutes of covers. Since I rely solely on tips for this gig, it makes sense to play covers, but challenging myself to play originals and still vie for tips is fun. Luckily, I still did just fine on tips.

And to the homeless/toothless guy who tipped me a penny, a bloody kleenex and a fake silver heart that had "XOXO" engraved on it... please don't put anything in the tip bucket next time. I'll play your Neil Young free of charge as long as you don't attempt to spread your hepatitis to me.

- Ricky Romero absolutely ruined my fantasy team this week. If the Blue Jays could catch fly balls, they would be a better baseball team.

- Rest of the day- went to the gym, got jacked again on a poker tournament (this one was free entry because I qualified earlier, but don't you hate it when your Jacks don't hold up versus 10's because the guy with 10's catch a four card straight- I need to follow your advice, G$, and not play online), and did some cleaning around the apartment.

- Sunday was pretty fun. We had a wedding to go to in the Bay Area, so we got ready and left at 1pm. The wedding was great, but let's skip to some good parts.

At the reception, I was back together with some of my friends, who are awesome, but we tend to be trouble-makers when we get together (we've been kicked out of A's games and annoyed people out at bars- I'm not saying it's right, but it's pretty damn funny.)

The reception was at a golf club which had stairs down to a putting green. We were eye-ing this green from the get-go. My friend kept mentioning how he wanted to pee down there. At the time there were people actually using the putting green so that wasn't going to work. Eventually though, the green cleared and we had the cover of darkness and went down on the mission. There were six holes so we made sure we had one person to pee in each hole. This didn't happen simultaneously, but it did get done. I had been drinking earlier, but I was dead sober while doing this and it was totally worth it. We hung out at the green for a bit, and eventually the sprinklers came on. Were they on a timer, or was it the club's way of getting us away from the green? I guess we'll never know.

We left shortly after that and I was disappointed that Mrs. B. and I didn't take advantage of the KY Jelly in the men's bathroom (what?!) I'm not sure if it was for use or there as a joke, but I had a decent laugh over it.

So we drove back to Sacramento. Once we arrived back home, I put my key in the keyhole and turned it. The key snapped off in the lock. Now, our lock has been pretty shaky recently, but at no point did I expect the key to snap off. The key had Chicago Bears logos all over it (on Facebook I posted, "It's no surprise that the key broke under pressure." Feel free to make up your own comment about this key.)

We first went to Safeway to buy pliers. We were hoping there was enough of the key to grab it and still turn the key in the lock. This didn't work. However, we then pulled the key out using the pliers. Mrs. B. came up with the idea to drive to Wal-Mart and have a new key made. We were looking for any alternative to not call a locksmith at just past midnight on the Fourth of July. I can't imagine how much that would cost.

So we went to Wal-Mart, and it actually worked! We got a key, and headed back home. The lock didn't work immediately, but with a little love (and banging on the door to loosen it up) the key turned and we were home. It was the hardest I've worked to get into my own house.

I'm so glad I have today off to recover. I hope everyone had a fantastic 4th, and hopefully you have today off as well. Yay America!

Friday, July 2, 2010

LBK Recap

My faithful readers, it's another Friday after Live Band Karaoke... you should just bank on a mail-in post on days like this. 3.5 hours of sleep will do that to a person. Now that I'm 29, powering through the day becomes harder and harder! Here's a recap of the night:

Charlie, our keyboard player is officially moved to Reno so we were without his piano playing, his extra vocals, and his computer and external monitor. I had been thinking about re-typing all the lyrics and formatting them nicely with all the chords. Well folks, after around 20 hours of work, it happened. I've found out two things: I hate some of these songs even more now AND cutting and pasting from the internet is not always as accurate as one might lead you to believe.

So the new system is as follows: my computer sits to the side on my music stand (which is arranged so the laptop can be level on it.) A chord runs to a new external monitor that sits on the Pub's barrel (yes, they have a giant barrel that we move on stage.) For songs with multiple pages, I have a USB foot pedal that goes to the next page. It's metal with rubber padding to make it stable and durable.

The new set up seemed to work pretty well last night. I was pleased. I'm sure it will only get better, but as far as the first trial run goes.

The other thing about last night was that our regular host "Jefe" was gone on vacation. We got Sarah (unsure if she spells her name Sara or Sarah, but I'm going with the "h" attached), a bartender at the Pub on Saturdays during the day to host. She definitely gets it. As an "old married guy" I sometimes underestimate how much hot girls affect everything. She would tell everyone to clap after someone's less than spectacular performance, and amazingly, the crowd gave a rousing ovation. It's like the crowd is brainwashed by the fact that we have a good looking girl as our host.

Sarah also brought an interesting idea to the table. "Karaoke Roulette" is a little game that a person can play by signing up and putting an "R" next to their name. In this case, they get bumped to the top of the list but the band gets to pick the song. Fun right? So we can intentionally pick "Ace of Spades" or something like that to mess with the person, or we can try to pick something that is easy for us to play. We had two instances of this:

1) A guy who had sung "Say It Ain't So" quite well came up to roll the dice (or spin the wheel, I guess.) We thought, "Let's throw him a curve ball and go with 'You Shook Me All Night Long' by AC/DC... yeah, that's the ticket!" Funny thing is- the dude crushed it! VERY IMPRESSIVE.

2) A bunch of guys came up right at the end of the night and we hooked them up with "I Gotta Feelin'" by Black Eyed Peas. It's a good crowd-pleaser for the end of the night, the guys did an admirable job with it. I think they were happy that everyone started dancing up front near the stage. It was definitely a faux-rockstar moment.

So there you have it. Another successful night. I hope everyone who came out enjoyed it, and it's only going to get better!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Thank You Notes














I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Carlos Zambrano,

Thank you for being such a piece of crap that even I, a loyal Cubs fan, cannot defend you anymore. I hope you are traded and come down with Mark Prior-itis.

Over your act,
Tony B.

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Dear Full Tilt Poker,

Thank you for reminding me how fickle the game of poker is. Whether it was losing Aces vs. Queens or Queens to King-10 via the runner, runner flush you remind me that poker at it's worst is a really frustrating game. I may have lost only $24, but it felt like I had been ripped off by a trickster for hundreds of dollars. I hate making the right plays and losing- worst part of the game.

I'll be back though,
Tony B.

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Dear Apple Computers,

Thank you for the great products. I truly love my computer, my iPhone, my iPod, etc. But ya know what might be good? Being compatible with any other products. While buying an external monitor, I also had to buy a $30 converter, plus a $40 cord just hook up the damn thing. I know it would be easy to at least produce the actual wire combining the $70 worth of items, but I'm fairly certain that would cost me, the consumer, less money- and we couldn't have that could we?

Regards,
Tony B.

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Dear LeBron,

Thank you for considering Chicago. It keeps us Cubs fans distracted from the train wreck of a team that we have playing on the North Side. If the Pirates were able to play the Cubs every day, they would be the most dominant team in the history of baseball. Seriously though, LeBron, you should sign with the Bulls. It would go from distraction to full out obsession in the city of Chicago. It's the major market you're looking for with a solid core of young players. I mean, if you're going to screw the city of Cleveland, you might as well go to a team in their division, right?

Let's do this,
Tony B.

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Dear Live Band Karaoke Patrons,

Thank you in advance for being careful around the new monitor I just purchased. Do not spill anything on it or knock it over. I know I'm asking a lot here. Especially when you want to bring up 18 of your closest friends to sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and I'm the one who ends up singing it anyway.

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear US Soccer Team,

Thank you for losing. I admit, I was into the World Cup. I was cheering you on, and feeling like a real fan. However, with that came the awful feeling 5 minutes into each game when you let a goal score and I realize, "These guys aren't actually that good." You luckily advanced, and even won your group, but if you were in a group with any half-decent teams you would've gotten run from the tournament long before the knock-out stage. I will definitely cheer you on in another 4 years, but during that time, please get better. Related note: wasn't Freddy Adu supposed to be awesome for us by now?

Your friend,
Tony B.