Thursday, July 1, 2010
Thank You Notes
I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?
Dear Carlos Zambrano,
Thank you for being such a piece of crap that even I, a loyal Cubs fan, cannot defend you anymore. I hope you are traded and come down with Mark Prior-itis.
Over your act,
Dear Full Tilt Poker,
Thank you for reminding me how fickle the game of poker is. Whether it was losing Aces vs. Queens or Queens to King-10 via the runner, runner flush you remind me that poker at it's worst is a really frustrating game. I may have lost only $24, but it felt like I had been ripped off by a trickster for hundreds of dollars. I hate making the right plays and losing- worst part of the game.
I'll be back though,
Dear Apple Computers,
Thank you for the great products. I truly love my computer, my iPhone, my iPod, etc. But ya know what might be good? Being compatible with any other products. While buying an external monitor, I also had to buy a $30 converter, plus a $40 cord just hook up the damn thing. I know it would be easy to at least produce the actual wire combining the $70 worth of items, but I'm fairly certain that would cost me, the consumer, less money- and we couldn't have that could we?
Thank you for considering Chicago. It keeps us Cubs fans distracted from the train wreck of a team that we have playing on the North Side. If the Pirates were able to play the Cubs every day, they would be the most dominant team in the history of baseball. Seriously though, LeBron, you should sign with the Bulls. It would go from distraction to full out obsession in the city of Chicago. It's the major market you're looking for with a solid core of young players. I mean, if you're going to screw the city of Cleveland, you might as well go to a team in their division, right?
Let's do this,
Dear Live Band Karaoke Patrons,
Thank you in advance for being careful around the new monitor I just purchased. Do not spill anything on it or knock it over. I know I'm asking a lot here. Especially when you want to bring up 18 of your closest friends to sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and I'm the one who ends up singing it anyway.
Dear US Soccer Team,
Thank you for losing. I admit, I was into the World Cup. I was cheering you on, and feeling like a real fan. However, with that came the awful feeling 5 minutes into each game when you let a goal score and I realize, "These guys aren't actually that good." You luckily advanced, and even won your group, but if you were in a group with any half-decent teams you would've gotten run from the tournament long before the knock-out stage. I will definitely cheer you on in another 4 years, but during that time, please get better. Related note: wasn't Freddy Adu supposed to be awesome for us by now?