Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thank You Notes















I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Blockbuster Fantasy Baseball Trade,

Thank you for making my interest in fantasy baseball go back up. After realizing that my 4-10 team will not make the playoffs, I took a gamble and made a blockbuster trade:

I traded Kevin Youklis, Dan Uggla, Matt Holliday and Rafael Furcal FOR Chase Utley, Justin Morneau, CJ Wilson, and Miguel Tejada. My reasoning here is that Utley and Morneau will be savages once their respective injuries have healed. I'm not keeping either of the other guys, and I gave up two keepers to get them (Holliday, who is streaky, and Youklis, who is ugly.) This helps the team getting my players because it upgrades him at every position and gets his team immediately healthier. Best case scenario, he wins the championship and my keepers are savage next year. Offensively, I'm keeping a Cather (Mauer), First Baseman (Morneau), and Second Baseman (Utley.) That is pretty sweet.

Now to find a pitching ace,
Tony B.

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Dear Big Ben,

Thank you for only urinating when you recently whipped it out on a golf course. True, thousands of men pee on golf courses every day, but there is only one or two Super Bowl MVPs who have been accused of raping someone a couple people. Keep your pants on, son!

Sincerely,
Tony B.

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Dear Naked Lounge,

Thank you for a really fun show last night. As a first timer to your venue, I really enjoyed myself. I mean, it also saved me from being lazy last night and watching the ESPYs, so that is positive as well.

Best,
Tony B.

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Dear Doug Stanhope,

Thank you for this blog post. (Parental Advisory, explicit content on that blog!) I'm not a huge fan of your comedy nor did I ever want to take a "comedy bootcamp," but I really enjoyed your seething perspective on people who would run such a ridiculous scam. Louie Anderson must have eaten his way through his money from Family Feud. I do not thank you for the black background and white text that makes my eyes look like D-Bo from Friday. Excellent post, though.

Regards,
Tony B.

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Dear Double Rainbow Guy,

I don't even know what to thank you for... I guess thank you for being high and owning a camera?



Congrats! You're a YouTube star for potentially climaxing over a rainbow.

So intense,
Tony B.

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Dear ESPN,

Thank you for waiting exactly a week after "The Decision" by LeBron to get back to the real story that everyone is waiting for- will Brett Favre come back this year?

Kill me now,
Tony B.

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5 comments:

GMoney said...

Hmmmmm, I'm trying to digest your deal here.

I consider Morneau for Youk to be a wash. JM puts up a little bit better numbers, but he's always an injury risk.

I combined Uggla/Furcal and Utley/Tejada and also consider that about even. Tejada is terrible.

This probably should have been the end of the trade right there. Holliday, who has been ON FIRE, was basically dealt straight up for the 3 starter on Texas. I do not care for this one bit, good sir. You should have gotten a much better arm back for MH.

DID YOU KNOW: The Pirates have not hit a home run with a runner on base since June 8th? OVER A MONTH!!!

Tony B. said...

Here's what happened on the trade:

My season is over. It's time to rebuild. I'm banking on Utley and Morneau being savages for years to come.

Morneau for Youk (wash)

Utley for Holliday (advantage Utley in coming years, advantage Holliday right now)

Furcal for Tejada (this makes up for the difference of Utley being better later- helps a contending team. Having Furcal gives me no added value since my team is out.)

CJ Wilson for Uggla (at this point, who cares? He needs a replacement for Utley at 2B, and I have Rickie Weeks to replace Uggla in the short term.)

Maybe that helps put it in perspective. The long term trade was 2 keepers for 2 keepers.

Crazy about the Pirates. They are lucky they play the Cubs or else they would have won 9 games total this year.

Brandon said...

My take:

Morneau for Youk: Even. Morneau has more long term upside, but Youk is having a better year and concussions can destroy a player's season.

Utley for Uggla and Holliday: Long term advantage goes to Utley, since a keeper 2B is better than a keeper OF. But right now, one setback for Utley and he could be out until September, and then I'd be praying he finds his stroke before the (fantasy) playoffs start. Of course, if he comes back on time and starts killing it, and Uggla does a second half disappearing act, I might be screwed. That was the risk.

Then it's Tejada and CJ for Furcal. An upgrade at short for a middling pitcher.

Tony B. said...

Brandon, I think the trade is pretty decent for both of us and our various interests (which is why I like keeper leagues, it can lead to deals like this.) It will be interesting to see if there are any long term affects from this trade (similar to the long term affects of JM's concussions?)

Thanks for weighing in and giving your take on the trade.

Anonymous said...

I loved this video it's really funny and interesting to watch.