Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thank You Notes

I borrowed this idea from the Jimmy Fallon show... wanna fight about it?

Dear Dancing With The Stars,

Thank you for making my decision easy this year.  1) There is no doubt who the right choice is to cheer for- "The Situation" is the only choice.  2) More importantly, with the rest of "The Stars" being horribly uninteresting, there's no way you'll hold my attention span.  I'm sure Kurt Warner is going to be awfully exciting to watch- especially when the camera keeps cutting to his wife every 5 seconds. 

Tony B.


Dear Chicago Bears,

Thank you for bringing my expectations dreadfully low before the season has even started.  I figured putting Mike Martz and Jay Cutler together could be a huge positive for the offensive, or a dumpster fire of an idea.  So far all signs point to the latter.  At least it is better than the Raiders who have built up fans' expectations only to smash them after the first 4 weeks of the season. 

Keeping hope alive (barely),
Tony B.


Dear Cal Bears,

Thank you for helping UC Davis upset you on Saturday.  That would be sweet.  I'm really growing to dislike you, Golden Bears, and have decided to cheer against you from now on.  This is probably an easy thing to do seeing as how you choke hard each and every year. 

Your new rival,
Tony B.


Dear Electric Guitar,

Thank you for being patient with me.  Due to a few band practice cancellations, I'm sure you are going through the same withdrawals that I am.  After playing years and years of solo acoustic shows, my need to rock the electric is at an all time high.  I'm feening for it!  Yeah, I looked up "feening" on for the correct spelling- that is just ridiculous. 

Don't you forget about me,
Tony B.


Dear Dave Matthew Band,

Thank you for the confusion.  I'm not sure if you peaked years ago or if you are making a decent come back, but you've totally confounded me.  I was a huge fan of your first 5 albums, but then came "Stand Up" and I did a barrel roll off your bandwagon.  Recently, I've heard a lot of people rave about your live shows, so which is it DMB?  Are you guys going to be awesome again, or continue to suck? 

Tony B.


Dear Mike's Hard Lemonade,

Thank you for attempting to make your drink cool for guys.  Unfortunately, you can dress up a Smirnoff Ice any way you want, and it still sucks.  And as a side note, this Bros Icing Bros thing has got to go.  Unless Smirnoff Ice can magically change an Ed Hardy wearing douche bag into a productive member of society, this fad needs to end quick. 

Cool as ice,
Tony B.


GMoney said...

Are you implying that Margaret Cho is uninteresting?

Dave Matthews Band is for high school girls and brahs who ice other brahs. Stay off the bandwagon.

Tony B. said...

Margaret Cho is about as interesting as the tenth 5 minute long violin solo at a Dave Matthews Band show.