Hello loyal readers and loyal commenter! Today is the 600th post here at Second Rate Blog, and since we're doing things in "second rate" fashion, I'm going to steal Jimmy Fallon's idea one more time and write some thank you notes. I hope you enjoy and feel free to leave your own thank you note in the comment section.
Dear Guy Who Yells For "Free Bird" At Every Show,
Thank you for thinking you're hilarious, getting a courtesy chuckle from your one friend who probably barely likes you, and feeling as if you got your own personal moment of attention before going back to being less original than Jay Leno's monologue (which I assume are still the hack-jobs they've always been- I refuse to watch the Tonight Show ever again.) Your daily life must be hard- telling "Knock Knock" jokes and all.
Dear Seattle Seahawks (and by extension, the NFC West),
Thank you for being SO bad that you have the media and the public questioning the NFL's beautiful playoff system. 7-9 and in the playoffs while the 10-6 Giants and Bucs sit at home watching the playoffs on their gold-plated flat screens? That's just embarrassing! Pete Carroll should hold a press conference after getting stomped at home by the Saints and mention the words "outlier" and "underachievers" multiple times. Come to think of it, your team may not have "underachieved," your division is just THAT BAD.
Dear Jim Harbaugh,
Thank you for being a savage and making Stanford relevant. Your recent success made me think back on your days as the Bears' QB quite fondly. With Neal Anderson and Brad Muster, I remember cheering that team on with childish enthusiasm. Unfortunately, your recent success ALSO made go back and look up your actual stats from back then. Needless to say, I was a naive kid. Every QB the Bears have had in the last 5 years has been better than you- including Sexy Rexy. Jay Cutler is frustrating at times, but let's keep it real, he out-passes you in his sleep.
Enjoy whatever new job you take,
Dear Jimmy Fallon,
Thank you for this Power Ballad about the Oregon Ducks- Sebastian Bach is the man for participating in this:
I have to be honest, I was not pumped about the Jimmy Fallon Show when it first started, but you've really won me over. I like the fake game show sketches, Late Night Hashtags, and of course the Thank You Notes.
Keep Up The Good Work,
Dear Ted Williams,
Thank you for being unfrozen and coming back as a homeless guy with a magical voice. The Cavs may have lost LeBron, but they have gained a legend. I'm hoping that one of your main jobs is to read Dan Gilbert bed time stories. That would be awesome.
Best of luck,
Dear My Coffee Maker,
Thank you for coming into my life. I finally have the ability to make coffee like a regular person. My Costco-sized Folger's Crystals and Coffee Mate Creamer are as dangerous a combination as the media's perception of Michael Vick and DeSean Jackson- and that is dangerous!
Thanks for reading and have a fantastic weekend of NFL action!