I borrowed this from the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon- wanna fight about it?
Dear Car Salesman Who Was Fired For Wearing a Packer Tie To Work,
Thank you for proving that people are dumb. Seriously, you deserve to get fired. I'm not going to lie, I was wearing Bears stuff under my clothes for most of the week last week- but in an attempt to look mildly professional, I didn't wear sports gear outwardly to work. If your car dealership in Illinois has sponsorship deals with the Bears, it seems like a reasonable request for you to not wear a dumb Packers tie. Also, you wore it to be a jerk- not to "honor your dead grandmother, who was a Packer fan." Nice excuse once the media got a hold of the story. Ugh. If the dress code says you can't wear a Packer tie, then you can't wear it. If it says you can't wear short cut-off jean shorts, then you can't wear those either! Common sense may never prevail.
Dear Jimmer Fredette,
Thank you for your performance last night. I'm all for San Diego State winning, but dude, if you're going to play like that BYU will be unstoppable. In exactly the opposite way of Jay Cutler, here is what PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU. You have Kevin Durant talking about how awesome you are- you don't need me! Anyone want some highlights?
Dear Kid At The Gym,
Thank you for your obviously comfortable workout attire choice the other day. I'm sure skinny jeans, a black t-shirt with glittery letters that says "Diesel" on it, and Sketchers was a completely functional decision on your part. It was even more surprising when you took off the first black shirt to reveal another black shirt- this one had a large airbrushed picture of Jacob from Twilight on it. Gay or straight, there's no way that was a comfortable outfit.
Keep sculpting those guns,
Dear Hall & Oates,
Thank you for your awesome music. There's no joke here. Call it cheesy. Call it fluff. Call it what you want, but it's damn catchy and fun to listen to. I highly recommend Live From Daryl's House the web series. Check it out!
Thank you for this hilarious tidbit. I was looking at getting some shoes and I put in a search for "Chicago Bears" to see what kind of gear (if any) that you had on your website. There are actually a few half-decent items, but that is not the funny part. All the Jay Cutler gear has been put on massive clearance! His premier style jersey has been marked down from $110 to $50. His cheaper jersey replica jersey is down from $80 to $40. Last, and most comical, is THIS T-SHIRT. Marked down from $26 to $12. Even the Brandon Marshall Broncos shirt is $1 more, and he's been on the Dolphins for a full year!
You're welcome for the plug,