Thursday, March 24, 2011

Thank You Notes

Jimmy Fallon's idea made a whole lot worse.

Dear Vanilla Ice,

Thank you for your song "Ninja Rap." Not only did it provide a soaring and gorgeous backdrop for "TMNT II: The Secret Of The Ooze," but it also effectively ended your relevance in mainstream pop culture.

I'm still a fan,
Tony B.

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Dear Joe Mauer,

Thank you for getting almost to the top of the MLB Jersey sales list. It's ok to get beat by Derek Jeter, I suppose. Just stay healthy and guide my fantasy baseball team to redemption!

Lovin' the sideburns,
Tony B.

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Dear Matthew Perry in Mr. Sunshine,

Thank you for showing everyone that running a medium size arena in the San Diego area is more about wise-cracking and being the boss's bitch than actually doing anything that resembles work. Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to take a job like that.

Realism is overrated and wouldn't make even a decent show,
Tony B.

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Dear Cheerios,

Thank you for still being delicious. I hadn't had you as a breakfast meal in quite some time- but after eating you this week, it turns out that regular and Honey Nut versions are still fantastic. It is creepy to write directly to a cereal.

Cheerio,
Tony B.

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Dear Dana Jacobson,

Thank you for bringing your broad and manly shoulders to ESPN2 each day. Also, don't think we haven't forgotten about the night you had way too much to drink and went crazy at the Mike & Mike Roast:






















The Goose is loose!
Tony B.

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Dear Carmelo Anthony,

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for making the Knicks worse after they acquired you.  I didn't necessarily think you would make them a contender (at least this year) but never in my wildest dreams would I have believed you'd lead to the team being worse.  Hey, if people can laugh at me for being a Cubs fan, then I have to enjoy the pain of another fan base.  I choose the Knicks. 

Keep it up!
Tony B.

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Dear Costco,

Thank you for your loose return policy.  Considering my ratio of regular trips vs. trips to return things is at 1:1, at least you're not giving me attitude about returning your occasionally defective merchandise.  Wet sponges inside the plastic- really?

Eh, I'm still down with your store mostly,
Tony B.

6 comments:

GMoney said...

I don't know what to think about Mr. Sunshine. Perry and the guy who play Roman are good, but the black guy from Las Vegas is terrible. And Alison Janney IS AWFUL.

Had the 5th pick of a ten team league the other night. Went with CarGo then AdrianGo then Pedroia and then I can't remember. Didn't draft a pitcher until the 11th or 12th round. Sick lineup.

Tony B. said...

I love your first picks. Hopefully Pedroia plays well for you. Then again, you probably don't want him to play THAT well.

I'd love to see a full breakdown of your lineup.

GMoney said...

Off the top of my head:

C - McCann
1B - AG
2B - Pedroia
SS - Andrus (21st round)
3B - Pedro Alvarez
OF - CarGo
OF - Heyward
OF - McCutchen (2 Buccos!)
OF - Werth
UTIL - Markakis
UTIL - Ethier

That's about as balanced of a lineup as I could get. Lot of 20/20/80 guys. Pitchers:

Billingsley
Garza
Hellickson
CJ Wilson
Bumgarner
Mike Minor
Niese (both Defiance kids!)
--just a bunch of no-name decent upside guys...I can always piece together a decent rotation

Closers:
Soria
Nathan and Capps (for insurance)
Storen

Not bad. My big money league drafts on Sunday though.

Tony B. said...

Excellent team man. Well put together.

GMoney said...

Shoot, I forgot Daniel Hudson, Buchholz, and Brett Myers. Yeah, we habe big rosters.

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