Jimmy Fallon's idea made a whole lot worse.
Dear Vanilla Ice,
Thank you for your song "Ninja Rap." Not only did it provide a soaring and gorgeous backdrop for "TMNT II: The Secret Of The Ooze," but it also effectively ended your relevance in mainstream pop culture.
I'm still a fan,
Dear Joe Mauer,
Thank you for getting almost to the top of the MLB Jersey sales list. It's ok to get beat by Derek Jeter, I suppose. Just stay healthy and guide my fantasy baseball team to redemption!
Lovin' the sideburns,
Dear Matthew Perry in Mr. Sunshine,
Thank you for showing everyone that running a medium size arena in the San Diego area is more about wise-cracking and being the boss's bitch than actually doing anything that resembles work. Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to take a job like that.
Realism is overrated and wouldn't make even a decent show,
Thank you for still being delicious. I hadn't had you as a breakfast meal in quite some time- but after eating you this week, it turns out that regular and Honey Nut versions are still fantastic. It is creepy to write directly to a cereal.
Dear Dana Jacobson,
Thank you for bringing your broad and manly shoulders to ESPN2 each day. Also, don't think we haven't forgotten about the night you had way too much to drink and went crazy at the Mike & Mike Roast:
The Goose is loose!
Dear Carmelo Anthony,
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for making the Knicks worse after they acquired you. I didn't necessarily think you would make them a contender (at least this year) but never in my wildest dreams would I have believed you'd lead to the team being worse. Hey, if people can laugh at me for being a Cubs fan, then I have to enjoy the pain of another fan base. I choose the Knicks.
Keep it up!
Thank you for your loose return policy. Considering my ratio of regular trips vs. trips to return things is at 1:1, at least you're not giving me attitude about returning your occasionally defective merchandise. Wet sponges inside the plastic- really?
Eh, I'm still down with your store mostly,