Monday, April 11, 2011

A Case Of The Mondays

This was a pretty solid weekend for me. Sometimes weekends can be tiring or taken for granted. Sometimes, I'm just too damn lazy to feel like I got anything out of it. This one, however, I enjoyed immensely.

Friday:

Let's start with my battle with the passenger side headlight of my car. It went out sometime this week, so I figured it would be a good idea to replace it since I was driving to Roseville later in the evening (and driving home around 1:15am.) I went to Kragen on my lunch break and bought the proper headlight, then went back to work and parked.

I figured, "How hard could this be? I'll just do it now." After wasting a half-hour of my lunch, the only thing I had to show for my efforts was a severely cramped right hand and forearm. The instructions were easy enough and I get what I was doing, but for whatever reason, I was not able to get the damn light out of the socket. I'm assuming the red tab I thought I pulled out to release the fixture was not pulled out all the way. Who knows, I guess?

When I got home after work, I tried again. This only led to making my right hand more sore and adding soreness of my left hand to the list of "things I've gained today." Eventually, after a tirade of curse words directed at my vehicle, I gave up. My hands were sufficiently battered enough for my show that evening to be a grind.

Being the "tough" musician that I am, my show at the Boxing Donkey was actually not that bad. To be honest, the crowd was great* and once I got in the groove, my hands were fine.

*I said the crowd was great, and for the most part, that was true. HOWEVER, there was one guy killing the vibe for me and the rest of the fine folks who had come out. I have previously written this guy a THANK YOU NOTE. You see, he had an impressively booming voice. Between each song I played, he continuously yelled out "FREE BIRD!!!" He was like a child crying for his mother's breast milk. Except instead of using the less annoying cry of a baby, he opted to yell for an overrated song that is extremely played out. If I never heard the song "Freebird" again, I would live my life in piece. I'm sure this has 80% to do with the morons who yell for this song at countless non-Lynyrd Skynyrd shows and 20% to do with the fact that the song is a bloated turd sandwich that my ears are allergic to.

Remember SAT analogies? Well, here's one:

Phish are to Hippies as:
Lynyrd Skynyrd are to Rednecks

I'm not even giving you multiple choice options because this analogy is in fact true. It's science.

Eventually, he gave up after I lined out the fact that I do not "know" how to play the song (I know the chords, but I will NEVER play it. I don't know the words well enough to get it done anyway.) He replied with, "Aw c'mon! It's the best song... EVER!" To which I asked, "According to who?" He had no answer. Then I suggested, "Rolling Stone Magazine?" To which he say, "Yeah, yeah!" I said, "I will need visual evidence to back that claim up." He didn't really say anything the rest of the night.

Let this be a lesson. You don't need to be that great at arguing to win when you have the microphone. It's a distinct advantage. I didn't even say anything creative, yet still got him to ultimately be quiet- which is all I wanted. Winning!**

**Soon- maybe now- Charlie Sheen's famous lines will be played out. His slogans will be played out also.

The rest of the night was mostly successful and I had a fun time. I hope my future children start a blood feud with the "Freebird" guy's hypothetical kids. That would be a great way for them to show me they love me. Maybe a Father's Day gift? Who knows?

Saturday:

After a solid 5 hours of sleep, I woke up and went to the dealership to get my car serviced. While I was there, I asked them to help me conquer the headlight issue I had the day before. They obliged and even gave me a discount for the pain and suffering involved in my sob story.

Once my car was finished, I went back home and got ready to meet my college roommate, Kevin, and his sister for lunch.  We went to Burgers And Brew in Sacramento and it was quite tasty.  I had only been to the location in Davis, and this one was pretty much the same.

It was great to see Kevin and Kristen.  Kristen also had her two kids with her which was fun and a solid reminder of what you have to think about before you take the plunge into having kids.  Her son, Matthew is a great kid.  However, he's also 2 years old.  They don't call it the "Terrible 2's" for nothing.  He's getting up and just curiously wandering around.  Kristen mentioned that she just has to "pick her battles."  How true that is.  Of course, he was corralled if he got into too much trouble, but like I said, it is a great reminder of what I'll be in for once the process of child creation starts.  You can have a great kid and they will 100% drive you nuts from time to time.  The funny thing is, that Matthew wasn't all that much of a problem- I can just see how tough it must be to constantly have a naive little person running around!  This paragraph is probably more of an indictment of where my head is at, rather than anything to do with Matthew!

After lunch, I went back home for a quick nap during the Cubs 6-0 drubbing at the hands of the Brewers.  Way to blow the game on Sunday as well, fellas.  Eventually, Mrs. B. and I were off to our date night.  Stop #1 was Elephant Bar and stop #2 was the Sacramento Punchline to watch Anthony Jeselnik.

The Elephant Bar was good.  Only one funny thing to report- it was prom night at some local high school.  There was a group of high school students clearly dressed up for the prom sitting near us.  They were finishing up as we were seated and it took our server awhile to take our order because she split their group's check into many, many smaller checks.  It looked like a nightmare for any server.

The funny part occurred when an approximately 50-year-old black woman was leaving with her party, looked over at the high school prom folks and exclaimed, "Oh no! High schoolers!  I feel bad for the servers- you know they ain't gettin' tips tonight!"

A few of the high schoolers looked at her and rolled their eyes and Mrs. B. and I paused, then laughed.  It was a pretty rude comment that was said very loudly.  Now, I think racial stereotypes are pretty funny.  Clearly, they are not always true across the board.  That would be ridiculous.  But of the two main races stereotypically known for being bad tippers, ironically, she'd fit into one of them.  Maybe she was so confident in her statement because she was including herself.  It could've been said like this- "Between the high schoolers and me- these servers ain't gettin' tips tonight!"

I honestly don't know, but let me assure you, I'm not going to be walking by a group of young kids learning to break-dance on some cardboard and then yell out, "What hilariously bad dancing!  I feel bad for anyone wanting to see someone get served tonight!"  That would be rude and ironic because I fit into the stereotype of "white guy who clearly cannot dance well."  Now, if I said something rude, then offered to help them learn some moves because I happened to be a very good dancer- that might make up for my rudeness.  However, after her rudeness, she did not offer to help with the tip, so I'm assuming she was just rude in general.  Scientifically, I can't know anything else for sure.  Moving on... it was on to the Punchline. 

Anthony Jeselnik was hilarious.  In fact, everyone was hilarious.  Sammy the MC was great.  Andy Haynes had a set afterward.  Then Anthony was up next.  He may not be for everyone, but if you like rape jokes, AIDS jokes, racial jokes, and AIDS racial rape jokes, you'll probably enjoy his comedy.

It's funny that he comes off as kind of a jerk on stage (maybe like I come off as a jerk on this blog sometimes?)  But after we were done laughing our asses off, Mrs. B. and I bought his CD (which he autographed to Mrs. B. - "Congrats on being awesome!") and got to meet him.  He was humble and friendly.  Here is him with Mrs. B.:























Here are a couple of clips of Anthony Jeselnik and Andy Haynes, respectively, for you to check out:







It was a great night.  Mrs. B. and I had a lot of fun- it was perfect to unwind and have a great time.

Sunday:

Cleaned and had to work, but I had so much fun on Saturday that it didn't really matter.  Solid weekend.  I hope yours was fun and entertaining as well.

Note to the Cubs: I have NO IDEA what was going on with Marlon Byrd and Aramis Ramirez but someone has some 'splainin' to do after that botched steal/hit and run thing they tried in the 9th yesterday.  C'mon guys!

Note to the Yankees: Nice job signing Carlos Silva.  Nice.

2 comments:

GMoney said...

You do realize that you are paying like 99% of Silva's salary still, right? Because I'm fairly sure that he will never leave Scranton this season anyway.

Don't know if you saw Tracy Morgan on Conan last week, but I thought it was great when he was talking about his stand up shows and how people are known to walk out on him. "I think they expect Tracy Jordan, not Tracy Morgan. I'll do 25 minutes on tossing salad and 2 Girls/1 Cup. I don't care."

Tony B. said...

I realize the Cubs are on the hook for Silva's salary. I also understand that he's probably not going to be up with the Yankees. But, if that's the case- then why sign him at all? I bet it was Larry Rothschild's idea. He'll have all ex-Cub pitchers doing the towel drill in Triple-A in no time!

I didn't see Tracy Morgan on Conan, but I'll go look for it.

Stand up is such an interesting craft. It's funny when people get offended at a show about jokes. I mean, you paid to go- what did you think was going to happen? Recycled jokes about being in a relationship? New comics have to keep going more extreme because of how desensitized we've become to most material. It was great enjoying a few comics who knew what they were doing on Saturday.