Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Shirts I'd Like To See Made

Funny t-shirts can be great.  Whether it's Stiles' shirt from "Teen Wolf" or a vendor in front of Wrigley Field selling shirts hating on the Cardinals or White Sox ("Pujols mows my lawn"- what?!), there are plenty of funny shirts out there.  Let's look at some baseball themed shirts I'd like to see made:

- The idea for this post came when my brother texted me about how awesome a "Long Live Castro" Cubs shirt would be.  It would have Starlin Castro smoking a cigar and presumably a Cubs logo (though I doubt they would officially license it.)  I'm going to assume the shirt would not have a Cuban flag on it, but who knows?  These are just ideas, if anyone wants to make them, go right ahead.

- Going over to the 2B position for the Cubs we have rookie Darwin Barney.  I'm thinking there's something there if you put the Charles Darwin "Jesus fish with legs" logo on a shirt and you place it on a diamond at the 2B position.  I don't have this one fleshed out, but it was better than the idea of putting him in Bedrock on top of a Brontosaurus-crane. 

- We all love young Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner.  We also all love Tom Green's "Bum Bum Song."  Why not combine the two and have Tom Green putting his bum all over good old #40?  It could say "My bum is on the Bum."  I'm writing this while watching the Dodgers put their bums on the Bum.

-  I would like to see a shirt depicting Carlos Silva as Godzilla.  This works two ways.  #1 - the dude is huge, much like Godzilla.  #2 - he will ultimately scare many of the Japanese people he approaches on the street when he ends up playing baseball in their country.

- Going back to this Dodgers/Giants game, Clayton Kershaw needs a shirt with him as Ivan Drago letting the Giants know that, "I vill break you."  This guy DOMINATES the Gigantes.

- Absolutely need a "Well played, Mauer" t-shirt.  Whether it's just text or if some graphic is included, it would be solid.

- Curtis Granderson murdering a faceless Red Sox player in front of a mirror.  The text would read "Grandyman, Grandyman, Grandyman..."  Also, he would have a hook for a hand.

- I always enjoyed the Cubs shirts that say "We Got Wood" on them.  A few years ago, I also wished they had expanded on that and said, "We Got Wood... And A Harden."  Of course, these options pale in comparison to the possibilities brought forth by former Cubs coach Dick Pole.

- A picture of Manny Ramirez in a rocking chair and it says "Manny Being Granny."  I'm not sure how well thought out any of these shirt ideas are.

Moving to the lightning round, let's pick a random player from teams and come up with a fake t-shirt slogan:

- Evan Longoria - "You'd do me without the first "n" in my name."
- Zack Britton - "'Allo Gov'nor!"
- Mariano Rivera - Just picture him as Robocop.  Dude is unhittable.
- Dustin Pedroia - "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa- my brother is the registered sex offender, not me!"
- Jose Bautista - "On the Brady Anderson workout since 2010."
- David DeJesus - "Don't F*** With DeJesus!" 
- Kendrys Morales - "Don't forget the 's' or I'll break my leg and ruin your fantasy team again!" (No you won't sucka!  You're not on my team this year.)
- Felix Hernandez - "Sabermetrics rule!"
- Mitch Moreland - "You don't know me!"
- Billy Butler - "The Royals' minor league system is so stocked that I ate 3 prospects and no one noticed!"
- Miguel Cabrera - "I WILL KILL YOU!" (Absolutely needs a picture of him with a bottle in his hand threatening people.)
- Mark Buehrle - "Perfection would be executing Michael Vick- and I know about perfection!"
- Carlos Santana - Just a graphic with him swinging a PRS guitar as a bat.
- Twins - A graphic with Delmon Young eating mashed potatoes out of Justin Morneau's open head (think Ray Liotta from "Hannibal.")  I have no idea why I think that would be funny.

Alright- that was the entire AL.  Feel free to make your NL suggestions.  Hopefully this turned out alright- it was a pretty haphazard blog topic from the start, but I was having fun with it by the end.  And that's what counts, I suppose.


Brandon said...

I like it. I need a Benedict Uribe shirt.

To rekindle my John Bowker disappointment/rage (rageappointment?) from a few posts ago, I'd like a shirt with a left handed batter at the plate with a slider being thrown to his back foot. For the caption, "TAKE THE PITCH" or "DON'T SWING AT IT YOU TOOL"

I'd also like one with CoCo Crisp crashing his car into Barry Zito. I don't have a caption, so I'll leave that to you.

For my fantasy team, I'd like Ryan Franklinstein, with a bunch of peasants chasing him, holding bats instead of pitchforks. I guess that's what I get for drafting a guy with a douchebag goatee.

And, of course, a Brett Gardner for MVP shirt.

Tony B. said...

You have some damn fine ideas, Brandon. I really like the Crisp/Zito one. It's a whole new take on the Bay Bridge Rivalry.

Ryan Franklinstein... GREAT nickname for such a douche.

GMoney said...

Darwin Barney: It's obvious that my parents hate me

Prince Fielder: No, I will not pay my dad's debt off

Carlos Zambrano: Tantrum-Free for 0 Days!

Tony B. said...

Those are quite good, G$. I liked the Prince Fielder one a lot.

I'm still chuckling over the Ric Flair mention on your blog today.