You know the drill- Jimmy Fallon's idea stolen and made much, much worse. Like Marvin Gaye, let's get it on!
Dear Chicago Cubs,
Thank you for the making Ryan Dempster the #1 starter this year. He's been great in years past, but I'm not entirely sure he's still a top-flight guy (was he ever?) You know what is top-flight? Dempter's Harry Caray and Matt Foley impressions! Dempster, if you don't pitch better, you'll have plenty of time to do those impressions while you're living in a VAN, down by the RIVER!
With undying hope,
Dear Katy Perry,
Thank you for somehow getting a bunch of my friends to want me to learn how to play "Firework" acoustically. It can't be much more of a stretch than "Poker Face" but this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when becoming a "professional musician." By "professional," I'm of course referring to "not being able to make a living wage on the money I earn as a musician, but still doing it." I hope you're enjoying sleeping on piles of money. ;)
Dear Traffic Lights In Downtown Sacramento,
Thank you for being green on each intersection I went through yesterday! Not only did I get to work on time, but I also felt like Vin Diesel in my Jeep Compass. Don't mind me, I'm just living my life "a quarter mile at a time."
Earning and burning,
Dear The Damnwells,
Thank you for all your music. I know I wrote about this band a couple weeks ago, but seriously- if you are reading this, go check them out if you haven't already. It's excellent rock/pop music that you need in your life! As Major Alan "Dutch" Schaefer would say, "DO IT! DO IT NOW!"
I'm not joking around on this one,
Dear Super Mario Bros. 3,
Thank you for being the toughest damn game to finish (without using those magical whistles- yeah, I know you cheated with those to warp to Level 8 just like you used to cheat on high school Spanish quizzes- I'm in your brain!) Special mention on this blog goes to Level 5 (in the clouds), Level 6 (the ice world with multiple dungeons), and Level 7 (the world of a zillion pipes- I have no idea where to go.) The game is great, fun, and frustrating nostalgia.
I'm coming for you Bowser,
Dear Fausto Carmona,
Thank you in advance for pitching better today than you did in your first start. Please... pretty please... PLEASE!!! By the way, my fantasy team is down over 200 points for this first week-and-a-half. It's the first week and I'm already feeling like Stewie from Family Guy feels about being a Mets' fan.
I'm banking on you, Carmona- bring it!