Tuesday, May 10, 2011


These have been some pretty stressful times.  In fact, I'm almost to the point of throwing in the towel on this daily blog posts, but I'm going to try to persevere (almost to post #700!).  I'm also going to break my #1 rule here at "Second Rate Blog" and I'm going to talk about my day job.  I have to do this to fully represent the predicament the Mrs. and I are in. 

- We put a bid on our ideal house.  It is a wonderful opportunity in a great neighborhood at a fair price.  I can absolutely see Mrs. B. and I raising our family there.  After searching a bit, this is definitely the one for us.  I have the "earnest money deposit" check in my pocket as I type this.  We're potentially less than a day away from an executed contract. 

- To look good for the lenders, I have delayed job searching.  I enjoy my job, but it is time to focus moving up in the world.  I plan to look for career opportunities sooner rather than later.

- Friday, an article was publicly released talking about Campus departments losing State funding.  My department was hit hard.  Mrs. B. also works in the same department.  We have "all our eggs in one basket" so to speak. 

- Nothing is certain just yet about the status of our jobs, but this scares the crap out of us. 

Of course, why do I mention all of this?  Well, one thing you can do to help is tell all your friends to buy my album with their iTunes gift cards that are going to waste from the holidays (I'm just assuming you've personally purchased the record.)  Besides that, I need some sort of scheme that will allow us to purchase the house and feel secure that does not include illegal drug trade.  For such a plan, I have to go to one of my childhood role models- Zack Morris.  How would he get the money needed?

1) Bet money on your friend to win a chess match.  Zack once bet $300 on Screech to beat Valley's Russian exchange student in the chess championship.  Of course, the bet was null and void after Zack kidnapped the Russian only to dress up like him and pretend to lose. 

2) Work at the Malibu Sands Beach Club.  This seems like an ideal job for me.  Unfortunately, the commute to SoCal would be awful.  Zack made money by working, but also by betting on his team to win a volleyball match and an ATV race.  Very lucrative returns. 

3) Invest in potato stock.  Back in the early years (with Miss Bliss), Zack took his class's stock market money (invested as part of a class lesson) and invested all of it on margin in potatoes.  They made a quick buck- that is, until the potato market tanked.  Who saw that coming?

4) Buddy Bands - Zack's business plan was solid, at least until he alienated his friends.  Buddy Bands were all the rage at Bayside.  Just remember to NEVER let Mr. Belding get a hold of one.  It will be like when your parents start up a Facebook profile.  You stop feeling like it's that cool of a website. 

5) Girls of Bayside Calendar - Photographing teenage girls at a pool without their consent- what could go wrong?!  Zack made a bundle for the newly re-modeled Bayside bookstore.  I recommend finding willing participants though or else your operation will get shut down faster than "Girls Gone Wild." 

6) Start a band and have Casey Kasem host a rockumentary.  This might be the best option for me.  The problem with this entire scenario is that it happened in Zack's mind.  He never actually left his friends to go solo and date his 35 year old manager.  He never actually dressed like Vanilla Ice of the early 90s.  I don't want to get lost in my own dream "Inception" style. 

7) Find oil.  This would be quite lucrative, but can I really live with Becky the Duck dying after an oil spill.  I think not. 

8) Use subliminal advertising.  Zack used this to attempt to win Kelly's heart rather than make money, but I think it would be effective.  Well- at least until your customers crossed up your message and attempted to rip you apart limb by limb. 

So these are my new plans for how to make a quick buck.  I'd like to thank Zack Morris for having the entrepreneurial spirit of a champion and influencing me to think up such great money making schemes.  I don't know what the future holds, but one way or another we'll be alright.  If I had to bet on someone, it isn't going to be Screech winning a chess match, it's going to be me.  


GMoney said...

You could always whore yourself out to 50 really fat chicks for $1000 a pop.

The real world is lame as shit. Although you will learn very quickly that renting is for suckers. How can it be cheaper to own your house instead of renting a much smaller apartment? I have no idea either but it just is.

Tony B. said...

I agree that renting is for suckers. In our case though, Mrs. B. is the property manager so we do get a bit of a discount.

I'm hopeful this will all work out. It's stressful, but hey, what's a little extra stress on an already stressful life choice of home buying?

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